An outward expression of an inward passion

I have been stalking my dear friend Olivia's art... and I came across one that really caught my attention.


JOY by ~theliv on deviantART

As summer is quickly approaching, I have really been searching my heart in an effort to prepare myself for what God has in store for me. Joy-- it's all over the Bible. Paul, a man who endured prison and ship wrecks and ridicule, constantly reminds us to remain joyful despite our circumstances. This semester I have really been learning what true joy is. So many times, we feel like joy means to be happy. But it's so much more than that... I don't think Paul would tell us to be happy regardless: "My best friend died, but I have to be happy..." "I just failed a test, but I have to be happy." "I can't see where my life is heading and I am freaking out, but I have to be happy."

A wise man once told me that joy is an outward expression of an inward passion. It is finding satisfaction in where God has placed you, and understanding that He knows what He is doing. There will be times this summer where I feel sick and tired and distressed. I don't have to be happy about it... But I should remain joyful in the fact that I am resting in God's will. His timing is perfect and I can remain confident that He has me where He wants me.

Yet still... Joy is not something I can just generate on my own... especially when I'm hot and sweaty and in pain and emotionally exhausted. Especially when my 2nd-5th grade girls have completely taken every ounce of patience, joy, and understanding out of me. Philippians 3:1 says, "Whatever happens, may the Lord give you joy..." I can't be patient on my own. I can't be merciful and forgiving on my own. I can't be joyful. I can't even get out of bed on my own. When everything is drained, and I have nothing less, "may the Lord give me joy." I cannot be joyful without Him. He IS my joy. And thank goodness too, because if not, those poor girls this summer would hate me.

A little bit more

So, I found a new study place. Beatnix. Coolest place ever. I mean, I love Common Grounds, of course. But it is so crowded and hot and loud... Beatnix is cool and spacious and quiet enough to get stuff done but busy enough to not feel like Jesus came back and took everyone in the world but you.

I'm sitting here in Beatnix, listening to some Dave Barnes, thinking about this summer. I just got back from a Pine Cove Baylor staff hang-out. It was fun, I suppose. A little awkward. While I am so excited about spending 12 weeks in Tyler this summer, I am so so not ready. I am slightly freaking out, actually. I know it will be so so good. And so so hard. I don't feel ready for those little kids to be watching my every move. And to deal with bed-wettings, and 2 AM nightmares, and homesickness, and real sickness, and broken toes. I don't feel prepared to deal with those kids just found out their parents are getting a divorce. Or those kids who think they are Christians because they were baptized as infants. Or those kids who have grown up under a completely different religion. I am so excited to love on these kids... But so incapable.
I was reading 1 Thessalonians last night, and felt so challenged by Paul's words. He worked with those people with patience and love. He treated them as his children, disciplining them when needed. And because of the power of the Holy Spirit, those people fell in love with Christ. Paul says, "You became imitators of us and of the Lord..." That part hit me. These kids this summer will be watching me. Imitating me... Are my actions worthy of imitation? Can they imitate me and through me imitate Christ?
This summer will be interesting... trying, hard, good, challenging, distressing, emotionally-physically-spiritually draining, rewarding.

I can't wait.