Saturday, December 5

yes. another update.

click here.

happy studying for finals.

Wednesday, December 2

New blog post!
Click HERE to read it!


Thursday, November 19

oh hey, I've moved on to better things


I mean, it's only natural that I would use tumblr since I used to tumble... :)

Wednesday, October 28

quick update on life. pictures provided.

It's been a while since I posted last… and I have a lot to write about...
I will provide an outline of what I am about to discuss...
1. Tailgate and adventures that followed
2. U2 concert that I did not attend
3. Kids conference
4. The GRE and grad school
5. Power
6. Reading
7. Theatre class
8. Restlessness
9. Homecoming
10. Pictures
11. Pine Cove is here!

Ok. Let's see.
1. I went to the Pine Cove tailgate at A&M… It was great fun. Tons of people… We ran out of food before I got any… just because I am slow. So Jason took me with him to the Sky Ranch tailgate and a nice man made me hot dog. Nick got a shirt… haha.

2. U2 was in Dallas… I wanted to go so bad. My brother, Aaron, bought a ticket months ago… And then my mom and other brother, Clay, got to go for free with the One Campaign. They were just rocking out, having a blast, when Bono looked out into the crowd, saw Clay, and motioned for him to come to him. And then Bono pulled Clay on stage, ran around with him, sang "City of Blinding Lights" to him, and gave him his glasses. Check out my facebook for videos. Its unbelievable. I put on the glasses the other day. I felt powerful.

3. Last weekend, I worked a kids conference. I had forgotten what it felt like to be famous. All these kids saying, "Hey, Troggie!" or "Hi Haley!" I didn't know who half the kids were… but, they knew me! haha… One of the Forgies, Grant, has been a dear friend since before my freshman year at Baylor. He's great. So great, in fact, that while performing in a Towers skit, he jumped off the stage and broke his leg. But instead of falling onto the floor crying like any sensible person would have done, he got up, finished the skit, and climbed all the way up stairs! And then broke down and said he couldn't stand up… I got to see Blair and Abby and Allison… I spent the night with Blair and Abby at the Murphy's house. Katie is a great host.

4. I have been preparing for grad school all semester. Too bad I should have been preparing all my life. I have been so stressed out about it.. completely freaking out. So much to do: Letters of recommendation, resumes, personal statements, GPA, GRE, application fees… Oh and just figuring out which ones I want to apply for. I have really been looking at schools in Denver, Virginia, DC, and other Northeast states. And then came the total freak out. I just don't have enough time to do all of those things at the same time! So I think I am going to wait a year to go to grad school. Get a job doing research somewhere. I might still apply to some schools nearby but that's just because my dad wants me to. I took the GRE on Friday. It went better than I expected. I got good enough to get into grad school! whoop! But it wasn't good enough for my taste. But at least I know I am average. haha

5. I have just been so encouraged lately by Ephesians 1… The fact that the same power that conquered the grave LIVES in ME. wow. Why do I ever worry? He defeated death! And He lives in me! And has given me every spiritual blessing… I am so lame for worrying about life.

6. I decided that I am going to read the top 100 books according to Modern library… I have already read some of them. But I just love reading and I feel like it can teach you so much and I love entering different worlds, especially the classics. I want a library. I need a book shelf. My 2nd favorite book, Grapes of Wrath, is number 2 on the list… My favorite, Tale of Two Cities, didn't make the list, but that doesn't surprise me. I am surprised, however, that Pride and Prejudice isn't on there. That book is SO much better than "O Pioneers!" or "All the King's Men"… But that is just my personal opinion.

7. I learn quite a bit from my Theatre class… some of what I learn is actually about theatre, and all the rest is about the failure of American public schools. Last week, we were talking about Classical Greek theatre. Our teacher was talking about the common Greek playwrights, like Aeschylus, Sophocles, Euripides, Aristophanes… I LOVE Aeschylus… We read the Oresteia in 8th grade at Coram Deo. My teacher informed us that we didn't actually have to know anything about what Aeschylus wrote, including the actual names of each of his plays in the trilogy, because that is too much to remember. I'm sorry… How hard is it to remember "Agamemnon," "The Libation Bearers," and "The Eumenides"? I feel like it should be a requirement to graduate high school to have read each of these plays. First, they are so good. Second, their stories penetrate so many other parts of culture! I was appalled that barely anyone in there had not read them.
But then today happened. I was sitting in class, and our teacher asked us how many of us had read "Pilgrim's Progress." I think 5 people raised their hands. Maybe. This class has 300 students. Oh my gosh. Yet another book we read at Coram Deo in 6th grade. I can't even talk about this. So upsetting.

8. I have been so restless lately. I just want to be a vagabond and explore the world. I want to drive until I am way out of Texas and explore every little town all the way to Charlottesville, VA. I am so ready to leave Texas for a little while. I want to explore the Northeast, with all its history and culture. I love that everything is so close together. Texas is so big that half way to anywhere is just getting out. I love Texas, I love living here… I am just ready to explore.

9. Homecoming was this weekend! It was so fun! My family came… we went to the bonfire, to the parade, and to the football game… It was Baylor's 100th homecoming! hooray!
10. The roomies took pics the other day. I have added some so you can get a sample! Check out facebook for more…

11. Pine Cove is here this week! Lunch with Adrianne today! whoop!

Wednesday, September 23

pictures of my day.

Hello... I am waiting for my theatre class to start... I got out of social psych early because we had a test... which didn't go as bad as I was expecting...
I was sitting outside for a while, but I got so cold! I have decided that I am going to make this a day-long blog following what I am doing with pictures and commentary... and then other important information inbetween.
Anyway, until just now, I was sitting outside the science building, and it was so quiet and peaceful... All you could really hear were the fountains and the wind blowing...Yup... But then I was getting a little chilly... because it is currently extremely overcast and 66 degrees outside... so I moved inside the science building...
So this is where I am sitting now.
Wednesday, I had my theatre exam. I got a 100. And was done in less than 15 minutes. SCORE.
Thursday, instead of having coffee with a friend, who is the social worker for UBC, we went on an adventure with our community pastor and hid David Crowder Band cd release party tickets in the library... they were giving them away on twitter for the partayy that was on Monday. It was fun.
This weekend, I went to camp. I went to the main office and sat in Jason's office while he was in a meeting with Kevin and went to Sonic with Adrianne and talked to Matt and Amanda and a random assortment of forge students who stopped by at different times.
I definitely miss the main office the most from everything this summer. aahhh I love that place. And the people there.
The conference at the Towers this weekend was Mother/Son. aka AWESOME. Those conferences are always so sweet. There were so many little 5 year old boys who couldn't read and they were so cute! I worked at the high ropes course all afternoon and it was so great to get to talk to different moms and sons... I talked to a couple kindergartners about Star Wars... Another precious 2nd grade baylor bear about the differences between an iPod nano and an iTouch... One mom had just started sending her 6th grader to Coram Deo... Well that's convenient, I started going to Coram Deo in 6th grade... We talked about the different pros and cons about CDA and I tried to assure her that if he could stick with it, the school wouldn't kill him and he would probably even leave for college more prepared than most.
My bears lost on Saturday. Lame.
On Sunday, I talked to two moms about abuse and community... It was definitely interesting, because I found these women asking me for advise... I had never thought about the possibility of these middle-aged women looking up to the college students that volunteered for a weekend as spiritual role-models... I'm so glad we were able to provide encouragement and refreshment for them that weekend. The speaker was a Baylor graduate and has a daughter who is a senior at Baylor right now! She was great!
On Sunday, I went to Sarah and Meloni's house... Brittany wasn't there, but I sat in Sarah's room and we talked about life, goals, and dreams...
Now, I am going to walk to class... It is quite dreary outside... But I love it!
Ok, well now I am sitting in class waiting for it to start... I am sitting by two freshmen. Oh freshmen... you bring me such unintentional joy...
Oh, we have a "special" guest... the dean of the theatre department...
Memorable quotes from walking to class this morning:
* "It's ok, because today is Wednesday, which means it's almost Friday..."
* There was another great line but it is slightly offensive so I decided not to write it.
CD review for the week:
Church Music- David Crowder Band
LOVE it. My favorite song is probably Shadows... but I really like Eastern Hymn, and their version of How He Loves too...
Go check it out, yo!
I love the line from Eastern Hymn:
"Bring us love, You who are Love.
Bring us peace, You who are Peace.
We need love, Oh divine Love.
We need peace, your merciful peace."
Yesssss.... That, along with a few other lines on the album, just continue to speak to me about what I learned this summer about peace and rest...
"In His shadow, there is peace.
In His arms, there is rest.
In His word, there is hope.
In His hands, there is grace."
[In The End]

I've decided I don't like the term, "Christian music..." "oohhh I only listen to Christian music, I am such a good Christian..." or "If you don't listen to Christian music, you love Satan..." What does that term even mean!? How can music be a Christian? Does it have to be about Jesus to be Christian, or just honorable lyrics by Christians? Is it the Christian label? Relient K is with a Christian label but most of their songs have nothing to do with Jesus... Does that mean it isn't Christian music and shouldn't be listened to at church, etc.? What about Eisley? The family isn't on a Christian label, doesn't sing all the time about Jesus, but leads worship at a church in Tyler... What about the instrumental pieces by Michael W. Smith and Stephen Curtis Chapman? I'm just going to go out on a limb and say that most "Christian" music is LAME. It's as if all these people want an excuse to be heard on the radio so they pretend they can write music and yell in a mic because they "can do all things through Christ..." Those people might be really nice and love Jesus a lot... But that doesn't mean they should be making music. It's the artists that get past the "Christian" theme and use their amazing talent to create art for God's glory that actually sound good. The other day at church, dcb played the theme song for the NFL because it was opening Sunday... No one was singing, but there were 6 guys and gnome on stage passionately worshiping the God who gave them the ability to make music.

ok, enough of that... After class, I went back to the apt and watched the office.
Me laying on my bed watching the office. This was the freak commercial on hulu while I was watching the office.
Guitar was canceled...
I went to work... only got hit in the face twice by girls doing backflips. Well, it was the same girl twice...
Then I came home and watched last year's sing acts with Lacey and Abbey...
Then watched Heroes... ooohhh man it was intense! And then Nick interrupted me... so I took pictures while talking to him/listening to him and Dan fight over something dumb.
Then I finished Heroes... Oh, hey Milo... You're cute.
And now I am going to finish reading for my BIC class... "The Importance of Living" by Lin Yutang. Bestseller, apparently.

Friday, September 11

Take Control...


well I have been meaning to update this thing for quite some time, but always found a reason not to...

I got my macbook pro!! And yesterday I made the most ADORABLE website on iWeb, but I don't want to have to pay for a website... boooo! I saved it just in case. haha.

Update on classes:
Social Psych- Still in the basics... aka not that interesting.
Theatre- Still super easy. And interesting. I have an exam on Wednesday, and it's my goal to get a 100. haha.
Guitar- I HATE the F and G7 chords!! What the heck!? F is just stupid and G7 KILLS my little hand...
Extreme Deviance- We have a group project, and my group is doing white supremacy. haha. ooh man. We are reading Tearoom Trade right now... I'm not going to write what it is about here, but seriously, it's WEIRD.
Intro to Sociology- Still easy. Still fun. Still a slight waste of time. ha.
BIC- Well, we are now into the core part of the class... China... and it's super interesting... Except for the fact that on Tuesday, I was assigned 92 pages of reading for Thursday. Yeah, bombed that quiz.

I had my first home group for UBC last night... it was stellar! I love my leaders... He is a professor in the film department and she is just great! We had taco salad and some great conversations and I really enjoyed it...

Ok so my word for the semester is Freedom... I've said that a few times... Anyway, I was sitting by Judge Baylor the other day between classes, studying for the gre, and this girl who I have never seen before walked by me, smiled, but kept going... I saw her stop, stand in one place for a few seconds, and then came back and was like, "This is going to sound so weird... But I just feel like I should ask you this... Is there anything I can be praying for you about?" I couldn't think of too much, but I shared a little piece of how I sometimes have anxiety attacks, and how I didn't want to get one that weekend with friends and family traveling... So she asked if she could pray for me there, and she did... and the first thing she said was, "Lord, just give her freedom from anxiety and fear..." YEAHH... FREEDOM... :) I wanted to tell her why that was so exciting, but I didn't...

I was reading in 2nd Corinthians the other day... and I just loved it so much! Paul talks so much about confidence, which is something I was really convicted of recently... I need to be confident in the promises God has given me, and I need to encourage others to grow in confidence as well. I love these verses:
* But thank God! He has made us His captives and continues to lead us along in Christ's triumphal procession. Now He uses us to spread the knowledge of Christ everywhere, like a sweet perfume.-- I love that the analogy of a captive is used... Because we are free to be captivated... :) I love it.
* But whenever someone turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away. For the Lord is the Spirit and wherever the SPirit of the Lord is, there is FREEDOM. So all of us who have had that veil removed can see and reflect the glory of the Lord. And the Lord- who is the Spirit- makes us more and more like Him as we are changed into His glorious image.

So I started this last night, and was once again interrupted... my amazing friends had a little surprise for my birthday... that was a month ago... haha. And Blair and Allison and Abby and Lindsey came and surprised me! Ohhhh man I have missed them so much... I don't think I realized how much until I saw them... We went to dinner and then watched friends... The waitor, who happened to be a week 8 camper with me and Abby (ha), got me a free drink since it was my birthday... It was pretty good... The only problem I had with it was that it was artificially blue, and I don't eat artificially blue things... But it's ok, it didn't turn my mouth blue. haha.
Anyway, I love all of my roomies and friends so much and they just make my life so much more amazing...

Take control of everything.
Of our lives, our hopes, our dreams.
All we are and all we will be,
we surrender to our King.

Wednesday, September 2

Seniors, 2010... wait, what?

I don't really have a computer right now, which is why I have not posted in quite a while. Well, technically, as of a few hours ago, I have a computer... a freakin sweet brand new macbook pro. However, it is not in my hands right now. It is probably sitting on my dining room table with my siblings and parents drooling over it right now. I'm too happy to let that make me nervous. As badly as I want to drive home after class tomorrow to pick it up, I am going to wait until my brother drives through Waco on Friday. I can wait that long, right?

Well let's see. Life is good. Senior year is REALLY good. Besides worrying about grad school and studying for the GRE, it's a walk in the park, and I'm loving it. Here is a summary of each of my classes, in the order that I have them. Of course.

* Social Psychology- My only psychology class this semester... I love my teacher and I love the subject. People are so interesting. I am an observer, and this class is about what observers observe when they are observing! Thus, I am a fan. Right now we are going over research methods... Something we learn over again in every single psych class... and in case we didn't get it all those times, we had an entire class on it... called Research Methods in Psychology... Needless to say this week hasn't been too difficult.

* Theatre Appreciation- With 300 of my favorite Baylor freshmen. This was when I realized that I loved senior year. It's easy. My teacher is so great. She's like 4 years older than me, ps. And it's interesting. I mean, who doesn't like to take an easy class where you actually learn? I feel like it's helping me become a more well-rounded individual. And helping my GPA while I'm at it.

* Beginning Guitar- Besides the fact that my fingers HURT, I really like this class. My teacher is a little strange, but he knows what he's doing and is very eager to help. There are 14 of us, so it's small enough to make it personal. We haven't learned much yet... Just started chords... And of course we started with the chords that I have the most trouble with... C, G7, and F. Ouch. My fingers aren't long enough! But hopefully I will have them down soon.

* Extreme Deviance- Oh man. This class is so strange. And my professor is the strangest man I have ever experienced in my entire life. He needs to write a book. He tells the greatest stories of big foot hunts and ghost explorations and visiting Westborrow Baptist Church. He is just fascinated by people and their strange beliefs and will follow them around asking questions until they let him see for himself. This class is not hard. I'm not sure how it will apply to the rest of my life, but at least I'm learning something.

* Introduction to Sociology- Another freshman staple. But with my roommate! Hooray! There are 4 seniors in a group of 150 students. Our professor is an incredible woman. She's so nice and really wants everyone to learn. And wants to get to know every single one of us. She says, "Go bears go" after every single sentence. haha.

* BIC- World Cultures V- The class that could possibly ruin my 4.0. Oh well. We have spent the past 2 weeks talking about globalization. And the past couple days talking about how globalization and religion have worked together. Globalization is fascinating, really. Although I have gotten tired of the lectures, it has been interesting for the most part. After tomorrow, we will break into small groups for the rest of the semester, and each group has a different country/worldview that they are studying. My subject is China. I am excited because I am pretty sure China is going to take over the world over the next decade or so. The United States dynasty has ended and I believe China is next. I had my professor sophomore year and he's great. I'm excited to see how it goes.

I chose a word for this semester/year. Freedom. Toward the end of camp God really started drawing my attention to the concept of being free. I love the idea of being free in Christ! What does that look like? What does that even mean? I feel like there are so many levels we don't realize are there. I also love that it goes so well with my word for the summer, surrender. When I surrender, I am free! And when I abide, I am free to surrender! Oh, it works together so well! I cannot wait to see what God will teach me about freedom and my freedom in Him.

I am reading The Cost of Discipleship by Dietrich Bonhoeffer. I have only read 2 chapters so far but I am really loving it. Here is one of my favorite quotes thus far:
(He is talking about cheap grace and how it's the "deadly enemy of the Church" and how it just involves living in the world and asthe world and being no different from the world...)

"The upshot of it all is that my only duty as a Christian is to leave the world for an hour or so on a Sunday morning and go to church to be assured that my sins are all forgiven.
I need no longer try to follow Christ, for cheap grace, the bitterest foe of discipleship,
which true discipleship must loathe and detest, has freed me from that."

What a great reminder. Slash slap in the face.

I am also reading Life Together by Bonhoeffer. I have not gotten as far in this one, because that little book has so many hard words! It's not as easy to read as TCOD. But I have really been challenged by this quote by Luther... I would love for it to become a reminder for myself and my roommates as we face our last year in Waco together.

"The Kingdom is to be in the midst of your enemies. And he who will not suffer this does not want to be of the Kingdom of Christ; he wants to be among friends, to sit among roses and lilies, not with the bad people but the devout people. O you blasphemers and betrayers of Christ! If Christ had done what you are doing who would ever have been spared?"
(Martin Luther)

I am so glad a few people in this world decide to be bold and speak truth into our lives rather than say what we want to hear.

And in light of no school on Monday, as my favorite little singing mutated beans say, "let's paint the town, we'll shut it down, let's burn the roof, and then we'll do it again."

haha. peace.

Saturday, August 22

Sweet Jesus Christ my Sanity

So.... it's been a while... I really just haven't felt like posting for the past 6 weeks...
This post will be sans pictures, because my precious computer, Bobby, is having brain issues and won't function properly.
Let's go back a few weeks, shall we?
Week 6- good, rather uneventful.
Week 7- fine... nothing huge... sent kids home sick.
Week 8- Boom. I'm not sure if I actually claimed week 4 to be the worst week of all weeks, but if I did, it was premature. Week 8 started out just like any week... I took temperatures, everyone was fine, Monday went smoothly... And then Tuesday. Now, I hate Tuesdays at camp. They are by far always the worst days. I don't know why... Tuesdays are just hard. Tuesday week 4 was when our program director and a senior counselor and a counselor and 2 band members went home with the flu. Tuesdays are when everything starts.
Mk well on this particular Tuesday, a HUGE HUGE HUGE storm decides to come out of nowhere and swamp camp. Club was canceled. We really thought there was going to be a tornado. Finally, the storm calms... ish... and kids go to bed and program staff are setting up the dining hall for breakfast. That's when the power on the entire left side of camp goes out. The dining hall and all the girl cabins. Well, we set up for breakfast in the dark, and then discover that the fever room has been opened. Oooh the fever room. Each camp had to have a backup plan for all of the sick kids to stay to wait for their parents to come pick them up... If they have a fever high enough to get sent home, they get sent to the fever room... Which was the old dining hall. They got to watch movies and do crafts and eat all the dry cereal and fruit they could ever want.
Anyway, fever rooms opens Tuesday night... Counselors are dropping like flies. We had no work crew, every sr counselor guy was in a cabin, and one sr counselor girl was in a cabin, and all the band guys who could be spared were in cabins, and our worship leader and full time guest service staffer were senior counselors... So half of the camp has no power, it's still raining, trees have fallen down inbetween cabins, Doo Dad 2's roof is leaking... And now the fever room is open. The next morning at 7 I was trained on how to make calls from the fever room to let parents know their children were sick and needed to be taken home. Oh joy. Or joy killer, that's what you can call me now.
So from 7AM until midnight every night until Saturday I sat in the fever room... Helping where I could, entertaining children when I could, making bracelets all the other times, and calling parents when clipboards were handed to me. This was without a doubt the hardest part of my summer. I prayed over every single clipboard before I dialed just asking God to let them be understanding... I got some frustrated parents, but never any really mad ones... Every time I got to break free from the fever room, my phone would ring, and I would have to run back... I started saving parents' numbers in my phone with their children's names because I wouldn't know who was calling me... I didn't mind calling parents during the day that much... It was the calls at 11:30 at night... Oh man... I only broke down and cried once... during the week. The weekend is a different story.
It was so so so so hard and I hated every single second of it... But I am SO glad I got to go through it... I learned so much about surrendering my will and my desires and my fears... It wasn't about me... at all... I never want to go through it again and I would never wish it upon anyone, but it was still so good.
Week 9- Towers staff were put on flu medication... We really learned what the power of prayer looked like... Instead of praying and pleading God to just get us through the week, we prayed with anticipation of how He was going to protect us and change lives. We never opened up the fever room for the rest of the summer.
Weeks 10 and 11 were good... I don't remember much... Week 11, I was lonely... But that's ok. Saturday, when I said bye to the Main Office and my job there, I got so upset... I love that place and the people there... Even the hard parts of my job I absolutely loved...
After week 8, I had a breakthrough... Week 4, I had been learning about how God will literally make us rest... One of His promises is to provide peace and rest for us. It came in a physical way week 4. Week 8, the theme of rest was revisited... This time, it was emotional. I was so emotional exhausted, doing things I hated doing... Telling bad news to every single person I talked to, spending more time with sick people than healthy people... I was totally drained. But God provides emotional rest, too! And He doesn't even have to make us rest... He IS rest. When I am abiding in Him, He gives me what I need to find peace and rest. I have it with me! I was sharing this with the camp secretaries one day week 9, and one of them wrote me a note later with this verse in it:
"I am leaving you with a gift-- peace of mind and heart.
And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don't be troubled or afraid."
John 14:27
Yesss... Jesus' words just bring me so much encouragement there. This semester might be totally crappy and really hard... But God's peace lives in me! ahh!

Then, I came home. And I turned 21. And I went to ikea. Sorry, Matt, no such luck with the chairs...
I had great coffee converstations with my dear friends Sarah, or Cinco, and Kaitlyn, or Kaitlyn. Blair and I layed by the pool and swam and watched Friends and the Hannah Montana Movie on Thursday... Our one real summer day. It was beautiful.
And now I am back in Waco! I am so so so excited about school starting!! I got my room all set up etc... I love being back with my roomies and all the Baylor people and Common Grounds and the bears... Oh, I just missed it so much.
I can't believe I only have 1 year left. Whaaaa? Totally crazy... Speaking of which, I need to fill out my graduation card... woops...

Well, church tomorrow! Etc., etc. Catch yall on the flip side. Buenos noches.


Sunday, July 5

week 6, go hard

Hola! So my shoulders and back are sore from using a computer all day... so this is kind of the last thing I want to be doing right now, but o well...
I'm sitting at Caffe Tazza in Tyler. It's a nice place... I got iced chai tea...

I can't believe first half is already over... the days and sometimes weeks were so long, but the half went so so fast... I didn't post after last week because I was such an emotional wreck, I couldn't bear thinking about it again... So, now that I am feeling better, here it goes... an edited version.

Week 4 was pretty terrible, not gonna lie. It all started with me saying, "I just feel like this is going to be a bad bad day..." on Tuesday morning. oh, Tuesday was the best of the bad days. Wednesday night ended late with most staff not getting much sleep... kids were getting sick and counselors were getting sick and the others were getting tired... just to be clear, there was not a flu outbreak at the towers... it was a virus of some sort... The same kind that any group of children anywhere could get because they lick their hands and eat mulch and touch everything and everyone. Thursday, the storm hit. We had to close down camp, and it was AWFUL. I spent all day with the sick kids, which just killed me emotionally. The next two days were spent cleaning the camp... there's a video on if you want to see what all was cleaned. aka everything. Mulch, trees, the sides of buildings... if a kid could touch it, it was bleached.

It was a pretty terrible week, and I would never wish it upon anyone... But what everyone gained from it was incredible... First of all, that Monday... literally hours before it all started, my Bible study went over Psalm 23... We talked about how He provides rest for us... not only does He provide it, he makes us rest... He leads us through the valley of the shadow of death... Now, it wasn't like we were walking through death... please don't read that that way. haha. But it was still an ultimate low for everyone there... we were tired, sick, and confused... the kids were freaking out and the only reason we weren't freaking out was because we didn't have time to stop and think about it. We were without rest... then all of the kids left. He literally forced us to rest. The whole time it was going on, I kept praying, "You lead us to rest, you lead us beside calm waters..." and then He provided rest...
Another thing that we gained was the fact that we were living out the Bible study that the kids were going over... They learn about Joseph all week, and let's be honest, Joe's life wasn't that great... They were being taught that Joseph remained joyful despite and regardless of his circumstances. All of a sudden, we were in a situation that no one liked and no one had control over and no one understood... But the kids were able to see our joy... We were living out the story of Joseph in front of them...
Finally, we unfortunately got to see a statement that is said to us over and over again during orientation become reality... "Make every moment count, we are not promised tomorrow with these kids..." Welp... we really didn't get tomorrow with those kids... Counselors were so so upset because kids went home without having one-on-ones... The gospel talk was moved to Thursday night this year, so they went home without hearing that... Our mission was broken... I think this really woke the staff up... There is never a moment where your actions and your words should not be showing these kids Jesus... What was really cool was that these kids and parents were able to see Jesus by the way we reacted to the situation...
Week 5 was much better... It went by fast, and now a lot of people are going home, but I don't do goodbyes because I get freaked out by the fact that I might not see some of these people ever again. Totally freaks me out. So I just stand in a corner and let people come say bye to me if they want to... if not, talk to ya on facebook, yo.

Well... I hope week 6 is better than all of the weeks previous... ha.

Friday, June 19

Been a month... I've already been sick, but already gotten better... ha.


1. I am SO tired. I can't believe it's been 4 weeks since I updated... The past 4 weeks have gone by so so so fast...

2. I LOVE my job at the office... love love love it. The first two weeks were so hard adjusting to Towers life during the evenings but it's getting better... only every other day was tear-full... ha. No, not quite that much...

My job first consisted of 2.5 weeks of paperwork. Every. Single. Staffer's paperwork... we have about 900 staffers. No big... The weirdest part of it was that I would realize that I had spent 8 hours purely filing paperwork... and only realized it had been that long AFTER... I guess it's a good sign that I don't get tired of tedious work? haha. This past week, I have started calling schools and hotels to get recruiting trips planned... I have my own computer and phone... It kind of scares me that I enjoy this job so much bc I DEF don't want to spend the rest of my life doing something like this... but... I totally could, ya know? ha... hmm... career change? doubtful.
I do a lot of other random jobs too... Like, really random. I get to go to other camps a lot, which I love, because it's given me a HUGE appreciation for God placing me at the Towers... there is no way I could work at any other camp... I love all those camps, but seriously, it's so cool how everyone ends up exactly where they need to be...

3. I will post pictures later. But after I struggled so much week 1 with being at the Towers, God placed some AWESOME reminders of why I do what I do weeks 2 and 3... Week 2, the nurse's 6 year old daughter came with her to do day camp... so in the mornings and evenings, she hung out with me! A single girl has never brought me so much joy... She would scream my name and run up to me and jump in my arms every single time she saw me... We did crafts together, and ate meals together... oh my goodness, she was incredible! She was so honest and so blunt... It was a great reminder to speak with confidence the things I know to be true... Another fact that I was encouraged by today reading John... Jesus was overflowing with truth... the part where he is calling his rebukers sons of the devil... I've been reading John in order to familiarize myself with Jesus again... to examine what he was like, his characteristics and his personality... I LOVE how honest He is in that passage... I've always felt bad for being honest... I feel like people make it sound like a bad thing... but Jesus is just constantly speaking truth into these people's lives, and He doesn't apologize for stepping on their toes... It was encouraging for me to know that my honesty is a gift... and also a challenge to stand firm in what I know to be true and to speak that out... That doesn't mean I need to be harsh or rough... I definitely need to grow in gentleness too...
Anyway, Josie, the girl just absolutely MADE my week... On Friday, she gave me this necklace her mom had made with a pine cone charm... it's yellow with a few green beads... I LOVE IT... omg... I missed her so much this past week...
This week, I got the incredible blessing of being the adopted staff for the crib... These girls are HILARIOUS... they are constantly one-uping each other and telling little lies to impress me... haha... One girl told me that her family calls her Troggie... hahaha... huh, that's ironic... I've loved getting to spend time with them and listen to their ridiculous stories and (not) so funny jokes... I also got to spend a little time with 2 of my castle rock cribbers from last year... omg omg I love them so much! They are going into 2nd grade now, and one of them ran and jumped into my arms and then told me, "ever since you were my camp teacher, I have dreamed that you would be back here with me..." aahh! Today she called me Froggie... that made my LIFE.
God has just been beating into my head the idea of placing my hope or expectation in Him and Him only... It's so easy to place my expectation on my friends, or my superiors... but let's be honest, they fail to meet those expectations, and I'm left frustrated or even angry. Psalm 62: 5 says, "Let all that is within me wait quietly before God, for my hope is in Him." My hope shouldn't be in those around me, or my bosses, or my family, or my roommates... It should be in Him... He is the only one who will truly satisfy...

Ok, I'm going to go back to camp... Hopefully I will get pics up tomorrow... Pray for perseverance and joy and strength in the Lord for all the staff this week... Week 4 is hard...

Wednesday, May 20

Live from Hollywood...

I am currently watching the American Idol finale... I haven't really watched ai this season, but I always like the finale... I always thought I wanted Adam to win, bc he has an incredible voice... but I had never heard Kris before... yeah now I want Kris to win... He's so adorable!
I love this show so much... haha! Here is my take so far: First of all, I died of happiness when Jason Mraz walked out... gah I love him.
The Keith/Kris/Kiss A Girl combination basically sold Kris for me... a. I love that song, b. Kris is a better singer than Keith Urban... sorry... but that's what happens when you are American Idol bred...
I called it early on, I didn't think a girl would make it to the final two based on the one show I did see 10 finalists ago... The girls were WEIRD... And I still think so... Fergie just blew them all to peices... Can I just say that I love that Black Eyed Peas came out with a new song!? oh boom boom pow... now, I am not endorsing the lyrics... but I really do like the song... ha. And that girl can sing... although I kind of think she looks like a man.
Oh gosh, Allison Iraheta was just outweirded... Cyndi Lauper is STRANGE... Please find that on youtube if you can...

I started studying for the GRE today... that was an epic fail. Aaron and I went to this coffee shop in Allen, and I studied, and he... sat. Well yeah, I scored a LOT lower on the diagnostics test than I need to score on the actual test... but I guess it's ok, since I haven't studied yet...? Ironically, I scored higher on the math section than the verbal section... I took the SAT 3 times, and scored higher on the verbal section every time... Granted, I kept having to ask Aaron to look up formulas for me... But I haven't done real math in 2.5 years!

Adam is singing now... He has... wings? haha... Man he really is incredible... But I feel like Kris is more the face of America... and could make it better in the mainstream music industry... We all already know Adam is going to have plenty of offers to do... whatever it is he does... Oh, Kiss just showed up to sing with him... naturally. Yeah I like the Kris/Keith duo a lot better. haha. eewww they are so gross... I didn't realize they were still together... I am actually really repulsed right now... I mean, I do like this song... Yet another example of where the Idol is a better singer than the guest performer...

oooh a toms/AT&T commercial! hooray! I could call Blake without charge...
AAAHHHH HARRY POTTER COMMERCIAL! man two of my favorite things right in a row! Blair and I already asked Robby for that night off... haha!

Steve Martin is OLD.

Most of my camp friends are at camp by now, and it's killing me... I am still trying to get myself pumped up for the next 12 weeks... but wanting to be with those people is definitely helping.

I found this book the other day in an unsuccessful search for The Cost of Discipleship... It's called How to Stay Christian in College... I received it as a graduation gift... I got a LOT of books like that for graduation. Sorry, Mr. and Mrs. Hudgins, I didn't read it... But it definitely peaked my interest when I stumbled across it the other day... my first thought was, "welp, managed 3 years without needing this book..." And then I realized that I'm pretty sure I did stop being a "Christian" during college... Not necessarily Christian as in follower of Christ... but the religious part... Christianity as a religion is about rules and check lists and all the things you aren't supposed to do and everything you should do to "remain Christian"... Christianity as a relationship is about abiding in Christ and obeying Him... Who needs checklists when you're walking with Christ? I've learned that most Christians would probably be appalled with the things Christ did, and the things He actually calls us to do...
I skimmed the book, and while I'm sure there are stellar parts that I didn't read, but what I did read... in order to stay "Christian," basically, I needed to join a Christian Fellowship club thingie(plus church)...(oops...), date only Christians, and have only Christian friends. Sweet. Unfortunately, college taught me that being a Christian doesn't really cut it when it comes to dating... (let me interject with the fact that the two finalists are singing We Are The Champions with the still living of Queen right now... yeah Adam rocks the voice, let's be honest. Go play the Phantom on Broadway... Let Kris be the rockstar...) Anyway, back to what I learned... yeah, I've dated Christians... but I've learned that there are deeper theological issues that Satan uses to tear the church apart, much less a marriage... The book talks about being "equally yoked," but the author interprets that as just being a "Christian..." Well... someone can claim to be a Christian and not actually be following Christ.

He's announcing it right now... KRIS!! YESSSS... gosh I have a gift for these things... haha... oh man I am SO buying his album... American finally got it right... :)

Well... camp starts for me in 2 days... maaaaannn I don't like thinking about that. There are definitely some ways yall can be praying for me... These are the desires of my heart for this summer...
* Humility
* For God to break my heart for what breaks His...
* An undivided heart
* Joyful countenance

Since this is probably my last post before camp, if you are reading this, please write me! :)
I seriously cry sometimes when I get letters... haha. Sadly, I am so not kidding.

Trogdizzle the Explorizzle
Pine Cove Towers
PO Box 9055
Tyler, Tx. 75711

Is it sad that I have had that address memorized since I was around 14 years old? baha...

Much love!

Saturday, May 9

Since I typically use blogging and a form of procrastination from studying, and I did such a great job of not doing so last week when I lived in the library, I figured now would be a good time to do so...
I love lists. I am going to make a list right now. However, there will be no order... When I make playlists on my iTunes, it takes me 20 minutes to decide on an order... If I mess up and end up making a cd with the wrong order, I have to skip that song that is out of place because it bothers me. So I'm just going to word-vomit it out in no particular order.

This is a list of things that I will remember or that impacted my life or whatever from my junior year of college. Some of them are happy, some of them are sad. That's the only intro it's gettin.

* Roadtrippin to Kansas City with Lacey, Abbey, Lindsey, and Allison for Mark's wedding... The time in the car is a memory on it's own.

* Then there is the night we explored Kansas City with Josiah and Bryce... Seeing that creepy "scientology rips families apart" man standing at the corner of the street, and Josiah pulling his gun out to protect us...

* All of us trying to make it up what seemed like a huge hill to the house we stayed at in Kansas City... slipping on the ice and freezing to death and Allison with snot running down her face and Lacey wiping her nose for her...

* Waiting for my roomie to get engaged and then hearing about her getting engaged and then screaming with her about getting engaged and then getting to live with an engaged person... which is so weird, let's be honest.

* Waiting for my Caleb to get engaged and then realizing that my first best friend from childhood/high school was engaged which is so weird...

* Watching Lindsey and Stephen get engaged.... Running across Texas A&M campus in a dress carrying my shoes to get to the Century Tree in time... So basically, three of my really good friends all got engaged in the span of a month. And so it begins.

* Surviving Greek with Sam... Barely surviving Greek with Sam... crying in class and in my professor's office over Greek. Celebrating by never opening that book ever again when Greek was over.

* Finding an apartment to live in with Rach, Lace, Alyssa, and Abs!

* Waking up at 4:00 am to work the Bearathon...

* Receiving a scholarship from StuFu... which just blew my mind and provided such encouragement.

* Driving home from work and crying uncontrollably for some weird reason, and then getting home, and crying through Heroes... and then Friends... and forgetting why I was crying but still not being able to stop...

* Flying to Corpus Christi for Baylor... and getting my own suite... and then driving all the way back 2 days later when Waco was iced over...

* Realizing that I had bed bugs dwelling in my mattress and coming out every night to feed on me... and then having to get rid of my mattress that I've had since forever.

* Getting the flu. boo.

* Seeing Phil Wickham... and Robbie Seay... and Dave Barnes... But mainly Phil Wickham.

Ok well that's all I can think of right now... I'm sure there are more, I just don't remember! Which I guess is the point of this list... Things I won't forget... haha. :)

2 weeks till camp. Am I nervous? Yes...

Forensic Psych final on Monday... I have been so spoiled at Baylor... Dallas has no where to study after 11:00 pm... What kind of library closes at 6:00pm!?! haha... They need Common Grounds in every city. But only not as cool as the original. Just bc then it wouldn't be as cool...

All my delight is in You, Lord...
All of my hope...
All of my strength...

Tuesday, April 28

Ode to Caleb

So... one of my best friends from high school, Caleb, got engaged the other day... I knew it was coming, but I'm still so excited! So... even though he probably won't ever see this, this is my ode to Caleb.
You know that core group of friends you have in high school? The ones you do absolutely everything with and celebrate holidays with and attend distant relatives birthdays with and their parents basically consider you a child, and you cried so hard after graduating because you knew that your friendships with those people would never be the same? Yes, well, mine consisted of Kaitlyn, Caleb, Bryan, and myself. It was an interesting dynamic... we were each independently very good friends with each other, and our individual relationships were very different from the others... It's almost like the cast of Friends... Ross and Rachel have a unique friendship, and so does Ross and Chandler, and Monica and Rachel, and Monica and Chandler, and Ross and Monica, and Chandler and Rachel... but they are all still very good friends as a whole, too. Caleb... Caleb was the friend that I called when I didn't understand my science homework... and who I called when I was mad at Bryan... and who I could sit with in his living room for hours in silence, because we both appreciated silence just as much a talking. He should be recognized for my passing of the physics lab senior year... haha. We started going to school together in 8th grade, but really did not become friends until Junior year... My high school experience was a funny one, since I didn't start speaking until senior year. hah... But that's another story. Actually, my first memory of being friends with Caleb was sophomore year, when I sat next to him in Geology, and he would share his lunch with me, bc it was the period before the period before lunch, so we got hungry! I loved the fact that his mom packed his lunch... and baked fresh cookies every morning before school... My mom wasn't even awake when I left for school. Junior year, we dominated Chemistry together... But senior year is really where our story began.
Caleb and I sat by each other in Rhetoric, my least favorite class at Coram Deo, second only to Algebra 2 in 9th grade... The picture of me making a face... yes, that's us in Rhetoric. And I wasn't making a face for the camera. We also were part of the group of Calculus survivors that year... Calculus was optional, so slowly, during the first semester, the class dropped from 10 people to 5... 4 of which were me, Kaitlyn, Caleb, and Bryan... and then Kaitlyn's ex boyfriend. haha, I'm sorry, I just still think that's so funny. I can honestly say that Kaitlyn and I held our own in that class, even though the guys thought they understood it a lot better... We would have competitions to see who did their homework right... which we had all done together at either Caleb or Bryan's house the night before...
The social aspect of our friendship was my favorite part. We would watch SNL at Caleb's house on Saturday nights, Leno on weeknights... His dad would make us popcorn, even though Caleb doesn't like it... haha. Caleb's family has this huge chair, and 3 of us would always cram ourselves into it... and just sit... sometimes fall asleep... I feel like we mainly just enjoyed eachothers company, regardless of what we were doing...
Every Friday, after Physics lab, Caleb, Bryan and I would go to this legit donut shop and eat donuts... We would make regular trips to Target, the main hang out in Flo Mo... haha. We would also make trips to Whole Foods a party. That was fun.
We went to the Village together, enjoyed Coldplay together, ate meals... sometimes both lunch and dinner in the same day, together... Many New Years were spent at his house...
Last year, his family moved to a different house, and I seriously almost cried... there were so many memories in his old house, I didn't think I would be able to go to the new house... But it's become just as enjoyable.
Caleb's family is very... well, everything has a place and a purpose... For example, they have milk glasses and juice glasses... The juice glasses have fruit on them, and the milk glasses have little cows on them... Well, when I learned this, I thought it was absolutely histerical, so, it's now tradition to drink water out of a milk glass... every.single.time I go over there... Much to his mom's horror. haha
When we graduated, Caleb went to TCU, Bryan to Tech, and Kaitlyn to UTTyler. We were basically spread out across Texas... I was so upset, and breaks were spent hanging out with each other every moment we could... But then Caleb got a girlfriend.
This is important. Caleb had never dated in high school... Seriously guys, this is what we had to listen to all senior year: "I'm never going to get married, I'm going to be single forever, No one likes me, I hate my life..." Well, turns out, he's the first in our graduating class to be engaged. HAHA... he would be...
Well, Amanda is adorable, and she's perfect for Caleb... the Walle picture is them... see? Aren't they so cute?
Anyway... I love and miss him... and our Leb, Lyn, Ley, Bry(haha his name never worked) group... But I can't wait to see his and Amanda's relationship grow and be at his wedding next year! yay!

all creation felt a Father's broken heart

So I'm sitting here trying to figure out what construct validity is... and of course I get distracted, because that's what I do best. hah.

A few things:

1. I can't believe this year is almost over. I can see the end of the tunnel and I can remember a in February when I honestly didn't think it was going to end... or I just wasn't going to make it out alive.

2. God is so freaking awesome. I was awarded the Bill and Nancy Harlan Endowed Student Foundation Scholarship... I got this sweet trophy that says, "The scholarship is awarded annually to a junior member of the foundation who has made a distinctive contribution to the Student Foundation as identified by the Steering Committee." Still not sure how I ended up with this... haha. I was shocked and confused, if you can only imagine. But I do know that it's a $2,000 scholarship... I'll take it!

3. True Love is still blowing my mind... So many great lines... When blood and water hit the ground, walls we couldn't move came crashing down... we were free and made alive... I just love that it starts out saying "True Love died..." and ends with singing "Jesus is alive..." because that's the best part! Our God conquered death! A feat no other god has accomplished before!

4. So I figured since I tell yall about my physical illnesses such as puking everywhere with no shame, I could tell you about my emotional symptoms without being awkward about it, too. Plus, it's nice to have an outlet. Even if you never bring it up, you still know, in case you need to know... if that makes sense. Anyway, I had an anxiety attack today. Fun. No, actually, not fun. I just hate that I feel like everything is completely out of control when that happens... I know the things going through my head freaking me out are completely irrational, but I can't help it. So then I just get so angry with myself. But no worries, I haven't been having these very often since I started the meds... This is only the 2nd one, I think. And it only lasted like 10 minutes... It just kind of worries me about if it happens while I'm at camp... what will I do? Well, actually, Allison and I already discussed how I am going to go into her cabin when I have a panic attack in the middle of the night... She said she'd have a bunk saved just for me. :)

5. I LOVE this: "We who have fled to Him for refuge can have great confidence as we hold to the hope that lies before us. This hope is a strong and trustworthy anchor for our souls. It leads us through the curtain into God's inner sanctuary. Jesus has already gone in there for us. He has become our eternal High Priest..." -- Hebrews 6:18b-20

6. I love good conversations with dear friends. Especially when those dear friends understand you. And make you laugh.

7. Group projects are the dumbest idea since dark chocolate. Seriously, what were they thinking?

8. Tomorrow: Group presentation 1, group presenation 2, forensic psych, tennis, tutor, law school seminar, tutor, write write write write write.

*search your heart, you know you can't deny it. come on, lose your life just so you can find it.*

Sunday, April 26

A love more faithful than the morning...

So... the Phil Wickham concert rocked my world. His voice is without a doubt the best voice I have ever heard live... ever. the end. His recorded songs give him no justice. The night was so refreshing... Charlie Hall opened and set the mood as a worship concert... It was so cool to be able to worship with 400 other strangers crammed into the backyard of Common Grounds... One of my favorite things about going to Baylor. Since I go to David Crowder Band's church, for the past year I have contemplated how I felt about worship concerts... A lot of people don't like to go to UBC bc they feel like very Sunday is just another dc*b concert. I've decided I absolutely love the environment of worship at UBC. These guys are SO talented. So so so talented. By offering the Lord their best, they are worshipping... They don't have to be singing or even playing a worship song to praise Him... Once, during Christmas time, they played Carol of the Bells, and it was beautiful... There was no singing involved, and the congregation watched as they played, but they were pouring their hearts out to the Lord, giving Him the talents He gave them as offerings. Just because their "best" happens to be a lot better than some other worship pastors "best" does not mean they are making it into a show. They are offering their Father all they have. I thought about this while I was at the Charlie Hall concert too... What a blessing it is to be led in worship by the men who wrote the songs... I just get so encouraged by watching them use their gifts to worship Jesus.

And then there was Mr. Wickham... oh, how I love you. Quote from the evening:

Me: Is he married?
Aaron: [peering over the crowd] Looks like it...
Me: nooooo... Maybe it's a purity ring.

Haha... Seriously, the man is a stud. That wears girl jeans. haha.
Anyway, I just was so encouraged during his set... Something really interesting has happened in result to my depression this semester... My entire life, I have been absolutely terrified of death. Knowing that I would get to spend eternity with my Abba never helped... It scared me so bad. The idea of Jesus coming back again resulted in the same emotions... I think what scared me most about that was the fear that Jesus would leave me behind... that I wasn't really a Christian, or something like that... But over the past semester, it's not that I have come to anticipate death, but I have much less of a fear for it. My depression has made me want to leave this life and be with Jesus, because I feel like my life sucks and life with Him will be so much better... This shouldn't scare anyone... I don't have suicidal thoughts and I definitely don't want to end my life to accomplish this... But I guess it's made me realize how crappy this life is and how great that life will be... If that makes sense... For 20 years, my life was great, and I never had anything real to complain about... Not that that has changed... I am still so blessed... but I guess I've had a wake up call, and can actually understand why Paul tells believers to be encouraged by getting to hang out with Jesus for eternity... something that had always scared me before. Phil played two songs that literally brought me to tears and have been on repeat on my iTunes since Friday night. Here are those songs:

Come close listen to the story
About a love more faithful than the morning
The Father gave His only Son just to save us

The earth was shaking in the dark
All creation felt the Fathers Broken Heart
Tears were filling Heaven's Eyes
The day that True Love died, the day that True Love died
When blood and water hit the ground
Walls we couldn't move came crashing down
We were free and made alive
The day that True Love died, The day that True Love died

Search your heart you know you can't deny it
Come on, lose your life just so you can find it
The Father gave His only Son just to save us

Now, Jesus is alive
[True Love]

I see Your face in every sunrise
The colors of the morning are inside Your eyes
The world awakens in the light of the day
I look up to the sky and say
You’re beautiful

I see Your power in the moonlit night
Where planets are in motion and galaxies are bright
We are amazed in the light of the stars
It’s all proclaiming who You are
You’re beautiful, You're beautiful

I see you there hanging on a tree
You bled and then you died and then you rose again for me
Now you are sitting on Your heavenly throne
Soon we will be coming home
You’re beautiful, you're beautiful

When we arrive at eternity’s shore
Where death is just a memory and tears are no more
We’ll enter in as the wedding bells ring
Your bride will come together and we’ll sing
You’re beautiful, You're beautiful, You're beautiful

I see Your face, You're beautiful, You're beautiful, You're beautiful

--1 Thessalonians 4:13-18--

Thanks for listening...

Friday, April 24

this is too long. but i like it.

I have a sudden urge to update everyone on my life. And by everyone, I mean the few stragglers that read this thing. To you, I am grateful. You continue to read these even though I probably sound like a crazy person.

Well, last week, I was a crazy person. Ok... wait. FIRST OF ALL, my TR classes have just been da bomb dot com lately. I have learned a ton. I feel like I could just talk for hours about what we discussed in my classes.

Ok, now, LAST Thursday, I went to class, ya know, the usual...I went to my Christian Ethics class, and we had a discussion on using technology to prolong life. I did not realize that people were actually trying to make it to where we are immortal... People actually think that's possible! Well, actually, what blows my mind even more is the fact that people want to be immortal! It shows that without Jesus, this life is all we have... How scary death is without our Savior! We discussed the secular and religious problems with immortality... Would you really want to live forever in the equivalent of an 85 year-old's body? We would have to first improve the quality of life... That's just one of the problems with these efforts... I seriously was just shocked the entire discussion.

Then I went to Forensic Psychology, and I decided that I want to learn how to hypnotize people. haha.

That night, I drove to Tyler to surprise my best friend from high school, Kaitlyn, for her 21st birthday! hooray! She was so surprised! I got back at 3:30 AM and then went to aerobics the next morning at 8:00. That wasn't too pleasant. But it was so worth it to see my Kait!

On Saturday, I saw Robbie Seay in concert... oh, and Avalon. Remember them? My middle school obsession... We weren't planning on seeing Avalon, but the concert was running behind, so we basically got the whole show. ha. They sang Everything To Me, the song that Stephanie and I had solos on for Youth Choir once... And Testify to Love. I was laughing the entire time... especially when they sang to a track.
Robbie Seay, however, was legit. I love them. So so so refreshing and challenging at the same time.

Sunday, another birthday road trip took place. I drove to College Station for my lobster, Blair's 21st birthday... You know that person that understands you so well because she would do the exact same thing? Well, that's Blair. We are both Introvert-Sensing-Thinking-Judging on the Myers-Briggs Test... and I'm Lion/Beaver and she's Beaver/Lion... together, we complete the task oriented duo. Anyway, her partay was hilarious and funny... and I got to spend time with some people whom I love so much but don't get to see nearly enough...

Tuesday was another learning day. I went to the McLennon County Courthouse to sit in on a court session... The man on trial was charged with 5 accounts of aggravated sexual assault on a child and 3 accounts of indecency with a child. He could potentially get life in prison. The first time I sat in and watched, they were finalizing jury selection, so the people were having to answer questions about how they felt about the case and judging him fairly. A lot of people did not believe they could be fair because of the severity of the crimes he committed. This is a problem I have with the court system. I realize it has to be done, but I hate it. The prosecution has to prove to the best of their ability that he committed these crimes, and the jury has to decide if it's enough proof to convict him. Based on one decision, this man could be spending his life in prison! What if he didn't do it? Despite the lies of CSI, it's not seriously possible to prove 100% to the jury that someone committed a crime, unless it's seen by the jury with their own eyes. I really don't know if I could hold the prosecution to a reasonable burden of proof when it comes to crimes that involve life or death. I honestly believe that people are conviction pron, especially in cases that involve children. They see these hurting children on the witness stand, and they want someone to pay. Just the fact that the man was in the courtroom about to go on trial had already convinced most of the 50 semi-finalists(haha) that he deserved to be punished. We have the "innocent until proven guilty" rule... but I don't think that protects people like it should.
But, in this case, this man was toast. His own son ratted him out, basically. The fact that all 8 of these charges involved his 13 year-old daughter probably sentenced him to a very long jail time.

I left the courthouse to go straight to my Christian Ethics class, where we discussed Euthanasia, which ended up being a very heated discussion. First of all, I really don't like it when people who don't know the Bible try to talk about Jesus as if they understand Him. One guy talked about how we should do everything we can to keep someone from dying or to continue his or her live(feeding tubes, machines, etc.) because Jesus healed everyone He could, and we are supposed to be like Jesus. But, Jesus didn't heal everyone he could. He let Lazarus die. I do not think that Jesus healed for the sole reason of healing. He healed in order to bring glory to God. I understand why people want to keep their loved ones going as long as possible with the hope that a miracle will take place, but sometimes I think it would be better to let them go. I don't know, this is another subject I have not put a lot of thought into, and I have opposing ideas that hinder me from taking a side... I think there is a very big difference between injecting someone with something to cause them to die and taking them off a machine to allow them die... And I think that once a life cannot naturally go on, maybe it's time to go...
This is one of those things that I cannot comprehend how people who don't believe in Jesus can make it... If I didn't think eternity with my Father was waiting for me, I guess I would want to stay here as long as I could...

The other day, a homeless man came up to Rachel in our parking lot and asked if we had a place for him to stay... Reasonably, Rachel was freaked out. It makes me so sad that this has to happen... So many people in America have huge homes with rooms they never use, but people have to sleep outside on the ground every night! I realize that a lot of these people don't want to work and just want to live off of other people, but Jesus didn't say to love and care for them if they were contributing citizens. His call is love without conditions. I also think it's so sad that this grown man had to resort to asking a 21 year old girl for shelter. How humiliating is that? I wonder what happened to him... Obviously, I do not think it would have been wise to let him stay at an apartment with 3 girls... but that doesn't make it any less frustrating!

Thursday=Diadeloso, aka Day of the Bear... aka no classes! haha! I love Baylor so much! I slept in, went to court again, and then Abbey and I went and had lunch at Dia... which ended up being fiasco, but it was free, so whatevs. And then... Dave Barnes and Eisley!! hooray! I love outdoor concerts! Especially when those concerts are free! It was great, although it got over at 1:00am...

Tonight= Student Foundation Scholarship Banquet, which means fancy food and business professional clothes. boo. Then Phil Wickham and Charlie Hall at Common Grounds! yay!

Tomorrow= Baseball game, Rachel/Corey engagement party, and ZZZ Pajama party... ahahaha.

One week of class left. Then one week of finals. I will be home 2 weeks from Monday... YES.
Sorry this is long. I feel like my life is one big story.

Let's not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don't give up. Therefore, whenever we have the opportunity, we should do good to everyone-- especially to those in the family of faith. [Galations 6:9-10]

Sunday, April 12

Community... it comes in strange ways.

welp... it's 3:40 am and I can't sleep. I laid in bed for about an hour and then gave up.

Let me tell you about my week.

Last Friday, a road trip to Tyler, Texas took place. It involved the tunage of "Jessie's Girl," High School Musical 3, "Shake It" and Jack Johnson to name a few. Poor Daniel had to endure the HSM3 and Taylor Swift for a little while. It's what happens when 3 future roommates slash musical soul mates are in one car. Somehow, I think he lived.

Camp was a blast. This was my first time back to camp since December, and thus the first time back since the depression had kicked in. A loss of interest in PC had been involved, and so I was nervous about going back... I mean, the medication has definitely helped, but at the same time, I I had also spent months moving on and letting go before finding out I was coming back... I had already given up the name Troggie... I was ok with the idea of no longer pushing children on swings or telling them not to step on the rope at the Breathtaker or cleaning up their spills in the Rock. Even though I'm still trying to totally pump myself up for this summer, the weekend was almost successful. Almost.

There were some new staffers at this conference, and honestly, I think getting to know them helped me get excited about camp more than the food or the cheers or setting up for Pitch Black Attack. Again. I cannot WAIT to hang out with them every day all summer. They are studs. On Sunday, we forgot to serve grapes to the campers for breakfast... Which meant we each got to take home AT LEAST a bag of grapes. Lacey and I actually took 2 bags each. This turned into a fun little game. All of us were sharing grapes and throwing them at each other and these grapes actually served as a type of community builder. Unfortunately, they may have also been our demise. God was probably laughing at us touching all these grapes and then throwing them to see who could catch them in their mouths... oh silly us. If we only knew.

Driving home was not quite as pleasant... I wasn't feeling too swell. But I got home, managed to eat a couple strawberry twizzlers and peanut butter crackers... and then it hit. Oh. My. Gosh. The PAIN. My stomach hurt SO bad I thought I was dying. My roommate ended up cooking something for dinner that I'm sure tasted delicous but my poor stomach could not handle the smell so I had to leave right then. I thought that maybe I was hungry, so I stumbled to my car and drove to Panera, the only place that almost sounded edible. I got there at 8:16. Panera closed at 8:00. Since I had already spent most of my energy trying not to pass out while driving South on 35, I sat in the parking lot and stared at the door of Panera for a few minutes... and then slowly made my way back to my apartment. But remember, I couldn't go back into my apartment. So I rolled down a window and turned the heater up and laid in my car for about an hour, praying that I wouldn't throw up. I guess I thought I felt good enough to go to StuFu meeting... so I did. But I left after 10 minutes and drove back to my apartment parking lot and laid there for another half an hour and then texted Rachel, who was at a meeting, to see if she could bring me some sprite. So she did, and then told me to go to Jessie and Alexis' apartment and lay down on their couch. So I did. She also gave me some pepto pills, which I took, although I was skeptical. I kid you not, 5 minutes after taking those pills, I threw up really really nasty things. And also, what kind of bathroom has carpet in the toilet area? Whose idea was that? I was hoping after this, I would be feeling better... But I wasn't, and it was getting late. So I went back to my apartment and Rachel lit candles in our room and I opened a window because I was sufficating and then curled up in a ball on my floor. Don't worry, I only puked one more time after that. eewwwwww. I hate throwing up. I cry every time. I stand there and feel helpless and alone. Luckily, this is only the 2nd time I have ever thrown up since middle school, so it's not like I feel helpless and alone standing over a toilet on a regular basis.

I tried to go to Aerobics the next morning, but alas, one lap around the room made me regret this decision. No class for me. I went back home and laid on the couch. All day. My dear friend, Jonathan Break It Down Fletcher came all the way from LSU and sat with me... and then fell asleep on my floor... and then sat with me when I fell asleep on my couch... and then watched Hannah Montana with me. Seriously, I love that kid. We came up with the phrase, "There are more buffalo in the pit..." For Towers staffers who are distressed because their camp crushes don't like them back... because let's be honest, they NEVER do... It's all good, there are more buffalo in the pit! :)

Well during this awful turn of events, I found out that at least 5 of my fellow staffers and many of the campers at the Towers that weekend were going through the same things I was! Hooray for community through puking! I felt so overjoyed to know that I was not alone! Now it's turned into this huge joke and we seriously are better friends because of it. ha. God is mysterious.

Well don't worry, folks, my week gets EVEN BETTER. On Tuesday, I wake up, still feeling weak, but much better, only to find that there are bed bugs. EVERYWHERE. ooohh my gosh. I wish I could tell you where all we found them, but I'm afraid you might have nightmares. Yes, my apartment is infested with bed bugs. How does that even happen? Where on earth did they even come from? Rach and I had been getting bites all over our arms... legs... backs... faces... for about a month, but we really had no idea where they were coming from... I mean, yeah, at one point the thought, "What if I have bed bugs?" did cross my mind... but who really thinks that their bed is home to hundreds of tiny little blood sucking bugs?

So that has been an adventure. Goodbye mattress that I have had my entire life. I'm trying not to think about it right now since sentamental things like that are what sometimes spur my crying with no control moments... but seriously, someone's gonna pay. :) But seriously. haha.

During this time, I hadn't been taking my medication... a bunch of different reasons... So on Wednesday, when another emotional blow that isn't worth mentioning took place, I completely lost it. I thought I was going to sufficate. I have never packed up my things so fast. At first I was just going to go home, but I decided to see if Allison would take me in for the night... and she would... because she's amazing... So I drove to College Station and hung out with her and Blair and Kimberly for the night. Best decision of my life. The drive there and back was just long enough to exhort any extremely negative emotions, and they were able to distract me slash talk to me about it in a positive way to where I was feeling much better when I left...

Although... at the Bonzai, they had grapes... THE grapes... Blake had been at camp that weekend and had brought them back with her. When I said, "oooh no I can't eat grapes" Blair snatched them up and rushed them to the fridge. haha! I have the best friends!

Anyway, I am now home. And I slept until 4 on Friday... I'm pretty sure I have never done that... ever. I don't even know what happened. The only time I woke up was at 7 that morning when my alarm went off. WEIRD. That didn't last long, though... The next morning I was awake and ready to go at 8:30.

Ok I apologize for this ridiculously long post. It's now 4 in the morning. Maybe I should go try to sleep again. Since my alarm is set to go off in 4 hours.