week 6, go hard
Sunday, July 5

Hola! So my shoulders and back are sore from using a computer all day... so this is kind of the last thing I want to be doing right now, but o well...
I'm sitting at Caffe Tazza in Tyler. It's a nice place... I got iced chai tea...

I can't believe first half is already over... the days and sometimes weeks were so long, but the half went so so fast... I didn't post after last week because I was such an emotional wreck, I couldn't bear thinking about it again... So, now that I am feeling better, here it goes... an edited version.

Week 4 was pretty terrible, not gonna lie. It all started with me saying, "I just feel like this is going to be a bad bad day..." on Tuesday morning. oh, Tuesday was the best of the bad days. Wednesday night ended late with most staff not getting much sleep... kids were getting sick and counselors were getting sick and the others were getting tired... just to be clear, there was not a flu outbreak at the towers... it was a virus of some sort... The same kind that any group of children anywhere could get because they lick their hands and eat mulch and touch everything and everyone. Thursday, the storm hit. We had to close down camp, and it was AWFUL. I spent all day with the sick kids, which just killed me emotionally. The next two days were spent cleaning the camp... there's a video on pinecove.com if you want to see what all was cleaned. aka everything. Mulch, trees, the sides of buildings... if a kid could touch it, it was bleached.

It was a pretty terrible week, and I would never wish it upon anyone... But what everyone gained from it was incredible... First of all, that Monday... literally hours before it all started, my Bible study went over Psalm 23... We talked about how He provides rest for us... not only does He provide it, he makes us rest... He leads us through the valley of the shadow of death... Now, it wasn't like we were walking through death... please don't read that that way. haha. But it was still an ultimate low for everyone there... we were tired, sick, and confused... the kids were freaking out and the only reason we weren't freaking out was because we didn't have time to stop and think about it. We were without rest... then all of the kids left. He literally forced us to rest. The whole time it was going on, I kept praying, "You lead us to rest, you lead us beside calm waters..." and then He provided rest...
Another thing that we gained was the fact that we were living out the Bible study that the kids were going over... They learn about Joseph all week, and let's be honest, Joe's life wasn't that great... They were being taught that Joseph remained joyful despite and regardless of his circumstances. All of a sudden, we were in a situation that no one liked and no one had control over and no one understood... But the kids were able to see our joy... We were living out the story of Joseph in front of them...
Finally, we unfortunately got to see a statement that is said to us over and over again during orientation become reality... "Make every moment count, we are not promised tomorrow with these kids..." Welp... we really didn't get tomorrow with those kids... Counselors were so so upset because kids went home without having one-on-ones... The gospel talk was moved to Thursday night this year, so they went home without hearing that... Our mission was broken... I think this really woke the staff up... There is never a moment where your actions and your words should not be showing these kids Jesus... What was really cool was that these kids and parents were able to see Jesus by the way we reacted to the situation...
Week 5 was much better... It went by fast, and now a lot of people are going home, but I don't do goodbyes because I get freaked out by the fact that I might not see some of these people ever again. Totally freaks me out. So I just stand in a corner and let people come say bye to me if they want to... if not, talk to ya on facebook, yo.

Well... I hope week 6 is better than all of the weeks previous... ha.

Posted by hales 8:54:00 AM 2 comments

Been a month... I've already been sick, but already gotten better... ha.
Friday, June 19

hey-0!

1. I am SO tired. I can't believe it's been 4 weeks since I updated... The past 4 weeks have gone by so so so fast...

2. I LOVE my job at the office... love love love it. The first two weeks were so hard adjusting to Towers life during the evenings but it's getting better... only every other day was tear-full... ha. No, not quite that much...

My job first consisted of 2.5 weeks of paperwork. Every. Single. Staffer's paperwork... we have about 900 staffers. No big... The weirdest part of it was that I would realize that I had spent 8 hours purely filing paperwork... and only realized it had been that long AFTER... I guess it's a good sign that I don't get tired of tedious work? haha. This past week, I have started calling schools and hotels to get recruiting trips planned... I have my own computer and phone... It kind of scares me that I enjoy this job so much bc I DEF don't want to spend the rest of my life doing something like this... but... I totally could, ya know? ha... hmm... career change? doubtful.
I do a lot of other random jobs too... Like, really random. I get to go to other camps a lot, which I love, because it's given me a HUGE appreciation for God placing me at the Towers... there is no way I could work at any other camp... I love all those camps, but seriously, it's so cool how everyone ends up exactly where they need to be...

3. I will post pictures later. But after I struggled so much week 1 with being at the Towers, God placed some AWESOME reminders of why I do what I do weeks 2 and 3... Week 2, the nurse's 6 year old daughter came with her to do day camp... so in the mornings and evenings, she hung out with me! A single girl has never brought me so much joy... She would scream my name and run up to me and jump in my arms every single time she saw me... We did crafts together, and ate meals together... oh my goodness, she was incredible! She was so honest and so blunt... It was a great reminder to speak with confidence the things I know to be true... Another fact that I was encouraged by today reading John... Jesus was overflowing with truth... the part where he is calling his rebukers sons of the devil... I've been reading John in order to familiarize myself with Jesus again... to examine what he was like, his characteristics and his personality... I LOVE how honest He is in that passage... I've always felt bad for being honest... I feel like people make it sound like a bad thing... but Jesus is just constantly speaking truth into these people's lives, and He doesn't apologize for stepping on their toes... It was encouraging for me to know that my honesty is a gift... and also a challenge to stand firm in what I know to be true and to speak that out... That doesn't mean I need to be harsh or rough... I definitely need to grow in gentleness too...
Anyway, Josie, the girl just absolutely MADE my week... On Friday, she gave me this necklace her mom had made with a pine cone charm... it's yellow with a few green beads... I LOVE IT... omg... I missed her so much this past week...
This week, I got the incredible blessing of being the adopted staff for the crib... These girls are HILARIOUS... they are constantly one-uping each other and telling little lies to impress me... haha... One girl told me that her family calls her Troggie... hahaha... huh, that's ironic... I've loved getting to spend time with them and listen to their ridiculous stories and (not) so funny jokes... I also got to spend a little time with 2 of my castle rock cribbers from last year... omg omg I love them so much! They are going into 2nd grade now, and one of them ran and jumped into my arms and then told me, "ever since you were my camp teacher, I have dreamed that you would be back here with me..." aahh! Today she called me Froggie... that made my LIFE.
God has just been beating into my head the idea of placing my hope or expectation in Him and Him only... It's so easy to place my expectation on my friends, or my superiors... but let's be honest, they fail to meet those expectations, and I'm left frustrated or even angry. Psalm 62: 5 says, "Let all that is within me wait quietly before God, for my hope is in Him." My hope shouldn't be in those around me, or my bosses, or my family, or my roommates... It should be in Him... He is the only one who will truly satisfy...

Ok, I'm going to go back to camp... Hopefully I will get pics up tomorrow... Pray for perseverance and joy and strength in the Lord for all the staff this week... Week 4 is hard...

Posted by hales 10:02:00 PM 0 comments

Live from Hollywood...
Wednesday, May 20

I am currently watching the American Idol finale... I haven't really watched ai this season, but I always like the finale... I always thought I wanted Adam to win, bc he has an incredible voice... but I had never heard Kris before... yeah now I want Kris to win... He's so adorable!
I love this show so much... haha! Here is my take so far: First of all, I died of happiness when Jason Mraz walked out... gah I love him.
The Keith/Kris/Kiss A Girl combination basically sold Kris for me... a. I love that song, b. Kris is a better singer than Keith Urban... sorry... but that's what happens when you are American Idol bred...
I called it early on, I didn't think a girl would make it to the final two based on the one show I did see 10 finalists ago... The girls were WEIRD... And I still think so... Fergie just blew them all to peices... Can I just say that I love that Black Eyed Peas came out with a new song!? oh boom boom pow... now, I am not endorsing the lyrics... but I really do like the song... ha. And that girl can sing... although I kind of think she looks like a man.
Oh gosh, Allison Iraheta was just outweirded... Cyndi Lauper is STRANGE... Please find that on youtube if you can...

I started studying for the GRE today... that was an epic fail. Aaron and I went to this coffee shop in Allen, and I studied, and he... sat. Well yeah, I scored a LOT lower on the diagnostics test than I need to score on the actual test... but I guess it's ok, since I haven't studied yet...? Ironically, I scored higher on the math section than the verbal section... I took the SAT 3 times, and scored higher on the verbal section every time... Granted, I kept having to ask Aaron to look up formulas for me... But I haven't done real math in 2.5 years!

Adam is singing now... He has... wings? haha... Man he really is incredible... But I feel like Kris is more the face of America... and could make it better in the mainstream music industry... We all already know Adam is going to have plenty of offers to do... whatever it is he does... Oh, Kiss just showed up to sing with him... naturally. Yeah I like the Kris/Keith duo a lot better. haha. eewww they are so gross... I didn't realize they were still together... I am actually really repulsed right now... I mean, I do like this song... Yet another example of where the Idol is a better singer than the guest performer...

oooh a toms/AT&T commercial! hooray! I could call Blake without charge...
AAAHHHH HARRY POTTER COMMERCIAL! man two of my favorite things right in a row! Blair and I already asked Robby for that night off... haha!

Steve Martin is OLD.

Most of my camp friends are at camp by now, and it's killing me... I am still trying to get myself pumped up for the next 12 weeks... but wanting to be with those people is definitely helping.

I found this book the other day in an unsuccessful search for The Cost of Discipleship... It's called How to Stay Christian in College... I received it as a graduation gift... I got a LOT of books like that for graduation. Sorry, Mr. and Mrs. Hudgins, I didn't read it... But it definitely peaked my interest when I stumbled across it the other day... my first thought was, "welp, managed 3 years without needing this book..." And then I realized that I'm pretty sure I did stop being a "Christian" during college... Not necessarily Christian as in follower of Christ... but the religious part... Christianity as a religion is about rules and check lists and all the things you aren't supposed to do and everything you should do to "remain Christian"... Christianity as a relationship is about abiding in Christ and obeying Him... Who needs checklists when you're walking with Christ? I've learned that most Christians would probably be appalled with the things Christ did, and the things He actually calls us to do...
I skimmed the book, and while I'm sure there are stellar parts that I didn't read, but what I did read... in order to stay "Christian," basically, I needed to join a Christian Fellowship club thingie(plus church)...(oops...), date only Christians, and have only Christian friends. Sweet. Unfortunately, college taught me that being a Christian doesn't really cut it when it comes to dating... (let me interject with the fact that the two finalists are singing We Are The Champions with the still living of Queen right now... yeah Adam rocks the voice, let's be honest. Go play the Phantom on Broadway... Let Kris be the rockstar...) Anyway, back to what I learned... yeah, I've dated Christians... but I've learned that there are deeper theological issues that Satan uses to tear the church apart, much less a marriage... The book talks about being "equally yoked," but the author interprets that as just being a "Christian..." Well... someone can claim to be a Christian and not actually be following Christ.

He's announcing it right now... KRIS!! YESSSS... gosh I have a gift for these things... haha... oh man I am SO buying his album... American finally got it right... :)

Well... camp starts for me in 2 days... maaaaannn I don't like thinking about that. There are definitely some ways yall can be praying for me... These are the desires of my heart for this summer...
* Humility
* For God to break my heart for what breaks His...
* An undivided heart
* Joyful countenance

Since this is probably my last post before camp, if you are reading this, please write me! :)
I seriously cry sometimes when I get letters... haha. Sadly, I am so not kidding.

Trogdizzle the Explorizzle
Pine Cove Towers
PO Box 9055
Tyler, Tx. 75711

Is it sad that I have had that address memorized since I was around 14 years old? baha...

Much love!

Posted by hales 7:49:00 PM 1 comments

Since I typically use blogging and a form of procrastination from studying, and I did such a great job of not doing so last week when I lived in the library, I figured now would be a good time to do so...
I love lists. I am going to make a list right now. However, there will be no order... When I make playlists on my iTunes, it takes me 20 minutes to decide on an order... If I mess up and end up making a cd with the wrong order, I have to skip that song that is out of place because it bothers me. So I'm just going to word-vomit it out in no particular order.

This is a list of things that I will remember or that impacted my life or whatever from my junior year of college. Some of them are happy, some of them are sad. That's the only intro it's gettin.

* Roadtrippin to Kansas City with Lacey, Abbey, Lindsey, and Allison for Mark's wedding... The time in the car is a memory on it's own.

* Then there is the night we explored Kansas City with Josiah and Bryce... Seeing that creepy "scientology rips families apart" man standing at the corner of the street, and Josiah pulling his gun out to protect us...

* All of us trying to make it up what seemed like a huge hill to the house we stayed at in Kansas City... slipping on the ice and freezing to death and Allison with snot running down her face and Lacey wiping her nose for her...

* Waiting for my roomie to get engaged and then hearing about her getting engaged and then screaming with her about getting engaged and then getting to live with an engaged person... which is so weird, let's be honest.

* Waiting for my Caleb to get engaged and then realizing that my first best friend from childhood/high school was engaged which is so weird...

* Watching Lindsey and Stephen get engaged.... Running across Texas A&M campus in a dress carrying my shoes to get to the Century Tree in time... So basically, three of my really good friends all got engaged in the span of a month. And so it begins.

* Surviving Greek with Sam... Barely surviving Greek with Sam... crying in class and in my professor's office over Greek. Celebrating by never opening that book ever again when Greek was over.

* Finding an apartment to live in with Rach, Lace, Alyssa, and Abs!

* Waking up at 4:00 am to work the Bearathon...

* Receiving a scholarship from StuFu... which just blew my mind and provided such encouragement.

* Driving home from work and crying uncontrollably for some weird reason, and then getting home, and crying through Heroes... and then Friends... and forgetting why I was crying but still not being able to stop...

* Flying to Corpus Christi for Baylor... and getting my own suite... and then driving all the way back 2 days later when Waco was iced over...

* Realizing that I had bed bugs dwelling in my mattress and coming out every night to feed on me... and then having to get rid of my mattress that I've had since forever.

* Getting the flu. boo.

* Seeing Phil Wickham... and Robbie Seay... and Dave Barnes... But mainly Phil Wickham.

Ok well that's all I can think of right now... I'm sure there are more, I just don't remember! Which I guess is the point of this list... Things I won't forget... haha. :)

2 weeks till camp. Am I nervous? Yes...

Forensic Psych final on Monday... I have been so spoiled at Baylor... Dallas has no where to study after 11:00 pm... What kind of library closes at 6:00pm!?! haha... They need Common Grounds in every city. But only not as cool as the original. Just bc then it wouldn't be as cool...

Posted by hales 8:57:00 PM 1 comments

Ode to Caleb
Tuesday, April 28

So... one of my best friends from high school, Caleb, got engaged the other day... I knew it was coming, but I'm still so excited! So... even though he probably won't ever see this, this is my ode to Caleb.
You know that core group of friends you have in high school? The ones you do absolutely everything with and celebrate holidays with and attend distant relatives birthdays with and their parents basically consider you a child, and you cried so hard after graduating because you knew that your friendships with those people would never be the same? Yes, well, mine consisted of Kaitlyn, Caleb, Bryan, and myself. It was an interesting dynamic... we were each independently very good friends with each other, and our individual relationships were very different from the others... It's almost like the cast of Friends... Ross and Rachel have a unique friendship, and so does Ross and Chandler, and Monica and Rachel, and Monica and Chandler, and Ross and Monica, and Chandler and Rachel... but they are all still very good friends as a whole, too. Caleb... Caleb was the friend that I called when I didn't understand my science homework... and who I called when I was mad at Bryan... and who I could sit with in his living room for hours in silence, because we both appreciated silence just as much a talking. He should be recognized for my passing of the physics lab senior year... haha. We started going to school together in 8th grade, but really did not become friends until Junior year... My high school experience was a funny one, since I didn't start speaking until senior year. hah... But that's another story. Actually, my first memory of being friends with Caleb was sophomore year, when I sat next to him in Geology, and he would share his lunch with me, bc it was the period before the period before lunch, so we got hungry! I loved the fact that his mom packed his lunch... and baked fresh cookies every morning before school... My mom wasn't even awake when I left for school. Junior year, we dominated Chemistry together... But senior year is really where our story began.
Caleb and I sat by each other in Rhetoric, my least favorite class at Coram Deo, second only to Algebra 2 in 9th grade... The picture of me making a face... yes, that's us in Rhetoric. And I wasn't making a face for the camera. We also were part of the group of Calculus survivors that year... Calculus was optional, so slowly, during the first semester, the class dropped from 10 people to 5... 4 of which were me, Kaitlyn, Caleb, and Bryan... and then Kaitlyn's ex boyfriend. haha, I'm sorry, I just still think that's so funny. I can honestly say that Kaitlyn and I held our own in that class, even though the guys thought they understood it a lot better... We would have competitions to see who did their homework right... which we had all done together at either Caleb or Bryan's house the night before...
The social aspect of our friendship was my favorite part. We would watch SNL at Caleb's house on Saturday nights, Leno on weeknights... His dad would make us popcorn, even though Caleb doesn't like it... haha. Caleb's family has this huge chair, and 3 of us would always cram ourselves into it... and just sit... sometimes fall asleep... I feel like we mainly just enjoyed eachothers company, regardless of what we were doing...
Every Friday, after Physics lab, Caleb, Bryan and I would go to this legit donut shop and eat donuts... We would make regular trips to Target, the main hang out in Flo Mo... haha. We would also make trips to Whole Foods a party. That was fun.
We went to the Village together, enjoyed Coldplay together, ate meals... sometimes both lunch and dinner in the same day, together... Many New Years were spent at his house...
Last year, his family moved to a different house, and I seriously almost cried... there were so many memories in his old house, I didn't think I would be able to go to the new house... But it's become just as enjoyable.
Caleb's family is very... well, everything has a place and a purpose... For example, they have milk glasses and juice glasses... The juice glasses have fruit on them, and the milk glasses have little cows on them... Well, when I learned this, I thought it was absolutely histerical, so, it's now tradition to drink water out of a milk glass... every.single.time I go over there... Much to his mom's horror. haha
When we graduated, Caleb went to TCU, Bryan to Tech, and Kaitlyn to UTTyler. We were basically spread out across Texas... I was so upset, and breaks were spent hanging out with each other every moment we could... But then Caleb got a girlfriend.
This is important. Caleb had never dated in high school... Seriously guys, this is what we had to listen to all senior year: "I'm never going to get married, I'm going to be single forever, No one likes me, I hate my life..." Well, turns out, he's the first in our graduating class to be engaged. HAHA... he would be...
Well, Amanda is adorable, and she's perfect for Caleb... the Walle picture is them... see? Aren't they so cute?
Anyway... I love and miss him... and our Leb, Lyn, Ley, Bry(haha his name never worked) group... But I can't wait to see his and Amanda's relationship grow and be at his wedding next year! yay!

Posted by hales 2:23:00 PM 3 comments

all creation felt a Father's broken heart

So I'm sitting here trying to figure out what construct validity is... and of course I get distracted, because that's what I do best. hah.

A few things:

1. I can't believe this year is almost over. I can see the end of the tunnel and I can remember a in February when I honestly didn't think it was going to end... or I just wasn't going to make it out alive.

2. God is so freaking awesome. I was awarded the Bill and Nancy Harlan Endowed Student Foundation Scholarship... I got this sweet trophy that says, "The scholarship is awarded annually to a junior member of the foundation who has made a distinctive contribution to the Student Foundation as identified by the Steering Committee." Still not sure how I ended up with this... haha. I was shocked and confused, if you can only imagine. But I do know that it's a $2,000 scholarship... I'll take it!

3. True Love is still blowing my mind... So many great lines... When blood and water hit the ground, walls we couldn't move came crashing down... we were free and made alive... I just love that it starts out saying "True Love died..." and ends with singing "Jesus is alive..." because that's the best part! Our God conquered death! A feat no other god has accomplished before!

4. So I figured since I tell yall about my physical illnesses such as puking everywhere with no shame, I could tell you about my emotional symptoms without being awkward about it, too. Plus, it's nice to have an outlet. Even if you never bring it up, you still know, in case you need to know... if that makes sense. Anyway, I had an anxiety attack today. Fun. No, actually, not fun. I just hate that I feel like everything is completely out of control when that happens... I know the things going through my head freaking me out are completely irrational, but I can't help it. So then I just get so angry with myself. But no worries, I haven't been having these very often since I started the meds... This is only the 2nd one, I think. And it only lasted like 10 minutes... It just kind of worries me about if it happens while I'm at camp... what will I do? Well, actually, Allison and I already discussed how I am going to go into her cabin when I have a panic attack in the middle of the night... She said she'd have a bunk saved just for me. :)

5. I LOVE this: "We who have fled to Him for refuge can have great confidence as we hold to the hope that lies before us. This hope is a strong and trustworthy anchor for our souls. It leads us through the curtain into God's inner sanctuary. Jesus has already gone in there for us. He has become our eternal High Priest..." -- Hebrews 6:18b-20

6. I love good conversations with dear friends. Especially when those dear friends understand you. And make you laugh.

7. Group projects are the dumbest idea since dark chocolate. Seriously, what were they thinking?

8. Tomorrow: Group presentation 1, group presenation 2, forensic psych, tennis, tutor, law school seminar, tutor, write write write write write.

Posted by hales 1:26:00 AM 1 comments

A love more faithful than the morning...
Sunday, April 26

So... the Phil Wickham concert rocked my world. His voice is without a doubt the best voice I have ever heard live... ever. the end. His recorded songs give him no justice. The night was so refreshing... Charlie Hall opened and set the mood as a worship concert... It was so cool to be able to worship with 400 other strangers crammed into the backyard of Common Grounds... One of my favorite things about going to Baylor. Since I go to David Crowder Band's church, for the past year I have contemplated how I felt about worship concerts... A lot of people don't like to go to UBC bc they feel like very Sunday is just another dc*b concert. I've decided I absolutely love the environment of worship at UBC. These guys are SO talented. So so so talented. By offering the Lord their best, they are worshipping... They don't have to be singing or even playing a worship song to praise Him... Once, during Christmas time, they played Carol of the Bells, and it was beautiful... There was no singing involved, and the congregation watched as they played, but they were pouring their hearts out to the Lord, giving Him the talents He gave them as offerings. Just because their "best" happens to be a lot better than some other worship pastors "best" does not mean they are making it into a show. They are offering their Father all they have. I thought about this while I was at the Charlie Hall concert too... What a blessing it is to be led in worship by the men who wrote the songs... I just get so encouraged by watching them use their gifts to worship Jesus.

And then there was Mr. Wickham... oh, how I love you. Quote from the evening:

Me: Is he married?
Aaron: [peering over the crowd] Looks like it...
Me: nooooo... Maybe it's a purity ring.

Haha... Seriously, the man is a stud. That wears girl jeans. haha.
Anyway, I just was so encouraged during his set... Something really interesting has happened in result to my depression this semester... My entire life, I have been absolutely terrified of death. Knowing that I would get to spend eternity with my Abba never helped... It scared me so bad. The idea of Jesus coming back again resulted in the same emotions... I think what scared me most about that was the fear that Jesus would leave me behind... that I wasn't really a Christian, or something like that... But over the past semester, it's not that I have come to anticipate death, but I have much less of a fear for it. My depression has made me want to leave this life and be with Jesus, because I feel like my life sucks and life with Him will be so much better... This shouldn't scare anyone... I don't have suicidal thoughts and I definitely don't want to end my life to accomplish this... But I guess it's made me realize how crappy this life is and how great that life will be... If that makes sense... For 20 years, my life was great, and I never had anything real to complain about... Not that that has changed... I am still so blessed... but I guess I've had a wake up call, and can actually understand why Paul tells believers to be encouraged by getting to hang out with Jesus for eternity... something that had always scared me before. Phil played two songs that literally brought me to tears and have been on repeat on my iTunes since Friday night. Here are those songs:

Posted by hales 2:44:00 PM 0 comments