Monday, December 22

i sure do love mine

buy toms. save lives.


Wednesday, December 17

it is well

Bobby died. That's my computer. He won't turn on... It's a bummer, for sure. Bobby and I have gone through a lot together. Poor little guy. He has had a brain transplant, a face lift, and other memory joggers... He was still truckin... until today.

So I am writing from my family computer at home. I got back today... I had been planning on coming home yesterday, but the roads were too dangerous. So Lacey, Rachel, and I made music videos. If you want a good laugh, check out the three videos on our facebooks... So What, I Can Hear the Bells, and Rockstar... the latter two are my favorite, for sure. Each provides a unique form of entertainment. In Rockstar, watch Rachel the whole time. It's hilarious.

I went to my old church tonight and sat in on the youth group study... I learned something... or realized, I guess... high school students are shallow. hah. I mean, who could blame them, I guess. Their lives thus far have been solely about themselves. I doubt that very many of those kids have truly been challenged to think outside of themselves. And even if they did, high school is a weird stage... you can see that life is not about you, but until you are forced into a senerio where it really isn't, you don't understand what that really means. I wrote a research paper on the Little Rock 9, and I read an interview with some of the white girls who were seniors at Central High School that year... they were mad because those kids were ruining their senior year. That's all they cared about... they did not want them there because it was their senior year and it was supposed to be perfect. I think that's how most of us grow up... senior year... it's supposed to be perfect. Our parents try to make our experiences the best and most memorable. But then there is a major wake up call when you move in with someone else, have to find food for yourself, do your own laundry, take care of yourself when you're sick, take care of school and teacher and administration and registration and graduation issues on your own... All of a sudden, the people around you have different agendas. They are no longer there to make your life easier. I hope that I will raise my children knowing that there is so much more in this world than their perfect little suburb homes with perfect friends and perfect cell phones and perfect hair. They will know that there are hurting people around the world... even in those perfect suburbs... They will be shown that Jesus told us to love those people, and regardless of our family's status, we are blessed.
That's what the group was talking about tonight. The teacher asked for ways they had noticed they were blessed over the past few days. A few of them said a few odd answers... All along the lines of, "Well, I prayed that my exams would be easy, and they were..." I wanted to be like, "What about the fact that you are breathing right now? Or the fact that you ate dinner tonight? Or the fact that you are wearing shoes? God has blessed you with so many more things than you could have ever asked for, with things you definitely never deserved. He did not bless you because you prayed to Him... You are blessed purely by the fact that He loves you."

I am definitely grateful for the fact that God has stretched me and challenged me so much this past semester... I have learned so much. Life is not black and white, and God's love for me is so much more complex than, "for the Bible tells me so." So complex, yet so simple. So undeserved. So unconditional. Not because of what I have done, or anything I could do. But merely because He is.

This passage has been on my heart today:

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!
Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near.
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything,
by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving,
present your requests to God.
And the peace of God, which
transcends all understanding,
will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-- if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-- think about such things...

I rejoice greatly in the Lord that at last you have renewed your concern for me.
Indeed, you have been concerned, but you had no opportunity to show it.
I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever
the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty.
I have learned the secret of being conent in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through Him who gives me strength.
[Philippians 4]

My favorite hymn:

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way
When sorrows like sea billows roll
Whatever my lot, thou has taught me to say
It is well, it is well with my soul

Though Satan should buffet, tho trials should come
Let this blest assurance control
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.

My sin-- oh the bliss of this glorious thought
My sin, not in part, but the whole
Is nailed to the cross and I bear it no more
Praise the Lord Praise the Lord O my soul!

And, Lord, haste the day when the faith shall besight
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll
The trump shall resound and the Lord shall descend
Even so, it is well with my soul.

Sunday, December 14

So my bestie Lacey blogged about herself the other day... About realizing who she is and where that places her and such... And I thought it would be a fun experiment to see how different we are... or how similar, so I am going to write about what she wrote about herself, except make it about myself... you can compare if you like, or just take this time to get to know me! haha. And then I will post something else I have been thinking about!

- My favorite color is orange... I really do like it a lot... I get excited when I walk into target and see a lot of orange things... or just when I walk into Home Depot... I really don't like pink... although my phone and camera are pink... in moderation, pink is fine.
- Pictures are basically my favorite things ever. My rooms at home and in Waco are both covered in pictures... I especially love old pictures... When I go to Barnes and Noble just to chillax, I head straight to the photography section... old pictures of Dallas, NYC, the Great Depression... They tell such a story!
- I would definitely say I have childish interests... I never want to stop seeing the world with the curiosity and joy of a child... however, I would say I am also responsible and know when it is time to act like an adult... :)
- I don't think I'm that great at listening... but I don't like talking either... well, I love listening... observing... but I think I don't think I'm a good listener because I don't know what to say most of the time... and sometimes I get distracted in my head... something I need to get better at.
- Pine Cove... well... Pine Cove was a passion of mine for eleven years. Love and obsession do not even give how I felt about that place justice. Before I turned 20.5 years old, I had spent 34 weeks in the summer and around 35 weekends during the school year there. God used Pine Cove to transform my life... Now, I know that those doors are closing... It's hard, and I haven't written about it because it still makes me want to cry, but I know that God has a different plan for me that will bring about just as much joy as Pine Cove used to when I loved it more than anything.
- I love to read... in general. But really, my favorite books are the classic novels. Tale of Two Cities, Grapes of Wrath, Les Miserables, Pride and Prejudice, To Kill A Mockingbird... I also love books like Harry Potter and the Chronicles of Narnia... Actually, I like CS Lewis a lot... Till We Have Faces and Screwtape Letters are both awesome books I read when I was in middle school and high school. And what kind of Christian girl would I be if I didn't like Francine Rivers? :) I don't really like nonfiction Christian stuff... I get bored easily... That's why I was surprised I liked Crazy Love and Wild At Heart... probably the only two I've ever finished.
- I don't really care about clothes, I hate shopping, and if I didn't have to wear shoes, I wouldn't. I wear makeup maybe once a week. I own 4 dresses... 2 prom dresses, my graduation dress, and a sundress. Before prom junior year, I hadn't worn or owned a dress since elementary school. I do like skirts though... but skirts I can wear t-shirts with. Maybe it has to do with a mixture of my gymnastics and pine cove influence... I'm not entirely sure, though.
- I'm pretty easy to please when it comes to movies, although romantic comedies are not generally the way to my heart. There are a few that I absolutely love... Sweet Home Alabama and How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days.... Probably the 2 most girly movies I love are Pride and Prejudice and The Notebook. However, I would much rather watch movies like Remember the Titans(sports movies!), Braveheart, Harry Potter, and Lord of the Rings... oh and I like Star Wars... what are you going to do about it?
- I am on facebook too much. I have become a really really really creepy person, bc my stalking skills have been almost perfected.
- I love country music. and chill music. and broadway music. and random pop songs. and Hannah Montana. and High School Musical. No screamo or crude rap, please.
- I like authority... but I don't like self-proclaimed authority or passive agressive authority. I will do everything I can to avoid conflict but I am not afraid to approach it if necessary. I'm a lion, so people assume I don't like authority. false. authority gives me boundaries. i like boundaries.
- I like chaos. I don't mind it... I actually thrive in it. I dislike quiet houses where everything is perfect and clean and uncomfortable. I really don't like matchy stuff. ew. I can't study in the library. I have to have movement, noise, chaos. However, I realize when chaos is dangerous and structure is necessary too.
- I'm terribly uncomfortable around people in general. haha. except kids. haha that's not true. People don't bother me, I'm just not really a people person and I don't like initiating conversations... especially with girls. Guys are easier becuase you can just make fun of them... girls... not so much. I love silence. It doesn't bother me at all. which can be awkward bc sometimes it does bother ppl I'm with.
- I do not like cake. I would never choose to eat it over other things. But I do like wedding cake. and the cake with sprinkles in it. Chocolate cake is disgusting. so it plain chocolate ice cream.
- I want to live in London. and visit Romania. I've wanted to go to Romania since I was 8. It will happen one day.
- I love my best friends... For the most part, I'm a pretty loyal person. I don't make friends quickly, so once you're in, you're in.
- I like decorating. I don't like matching things. I want my house to look like a mixture of Common Grounds and UBC.
- I'm really bad about wearing my emotion on my face. If I don't like it, and I don't care if you know, you will know I don't like it... I'm not good at lying, either. So I keep my mouth shut if I don't want to hurt someone's feelings. Most of the time that works. So if I get really excited, it's legit. haha.

this just in[totally unrelated to previous statements]: I stink as a friend. dangit.

Wednesday, December 10

until it hurts

I'm taking a quick study break during my last dead day of the Fall 08 semester... I just got finished studying for my History of the South final, which is tomorrow at 9. Monday cannot get here quick enough... History of the South tomorrow, Greek and Research Methods on Friday, and Group Processes on Monday. My Lifespan class didn't have a final... we had to turn in a chart we had been working on all year instead...
I figured that I should post during this final season, since last final season is when I started my blog! In this same church, actually... Studying for finals. I was about as unmotivated then, too.

I love history... LOVE it. But only certain parts of history... I first noticed in 8th grade when we learned about the Great Depression and then JFK's assassination that I liked the depressing parts the most. My all time favorite times to study are the Holocaust and the French Revolution... I also love studying the Great Depression, the attack on Pearl Harbor, and more recently, the Civil Rights movement. I love looking at how people reacted and changed and manipulated the situations they faced... I am stunned that mostly uneducated, poor French citizens were able to overtake the government and murder so many people. Look at what can take place when passion is met by large numbers! It's astounding! The Holocaust blows my mind, and like the Civil Rights movement, I love looking at how one race of people found it appropriate and even necessary to treat another race like animals. I love looking at how those mistreated people react... how they strive to maintain their dignity... how the trauma affects them psychologically. The Great Depression is just so sad... and FDR's New Deal is just so ridiculous... :) And then Pearl Harbor... the fact that the government had been warned... fascinating.

Anyway, I love history! Here are a couple paragraphs out of the sections I was reading about Civil Rights to study for my test:
* This part is talking about the march that Martin Luther King led full of black children because the adults could not afford losing their jobs. "The first day, May 2, the police were restrained. But the following day Bull Connor[The Birmingham Police Commisionor] reverted to form. His policemen tore into the defenseless black children, hitting them with clubs and siccing their vicious German shepherd dogs against the school kids... Connor ordered firemen to turn their fire hoses, with water pressure at 100 lbs per square inch, against the blacks. The powerful stream of water knocked people down, tore the bark off of trees, rolled screaming, terrified children across the ground and over curbs. Three days later it happened again..."
* This part took place a few months earlier, and involved students, both black and white, who were called the "freedom riders." Their plan was to ride on a greyhound bus from Virginia to New Orleans... Until they got to Alabama, their trip was pretty uneventful... After being stopped once by whites who caught the bus on fire and beat the driver, they tried again, with the "protection" of President Kennedy. "The twenty-one freedom riders noted the police protection as they drove along, but when they neared Montgomery, the protection disappeared. When the riders disembarked at the terminal, a mob crazed with anger attacked the students with frenzied violence. Hundreds of screaming people swarmed the bus, and even the presidential aide sent to observe was knocked senseless by a pipe-wielding assailant."

The most astounding part of this entire thing is the fact that a few years earlier, America had begun fighting in a cold war to protect the free world from communist slavery... even earlier than that, we had been involved in saving the Jews from the race war brought on by Adolf Hitler.

Anyway, enough with fascinating history! I was talking to my friend, Kimberly the other day, discussing life and such... and I told her that I feel a lot more "settled" in my life... I guess... I feel more mature, which is weird, and I feel more comfortable with who I am. I am beginning to understand that although my opinion might be based off of a right or wrong moral system, life does not always work that way, and issues are generally much more complex than just black and white. I can see that now, which is exciting, because I have always believed that in order to defend one side, you must be able to defend the other... Those who argue on a "this is wrong because it's wrong so it should be stopped" are still thinking on a conventional level... I want to be able to discuss issues on a postconventional level, taking into account every side and every reason.

I am beginning to understand how my dislike of titles plays into my role in society... I mean, some titles I don't mind. I don't mind Christian... although many, myself including, live in such a way that is embarrassing for Christ's name... I will never be ashamed of Christ and being His... I just pray that I will live in a way worthy of the calling. I don't mind the title "prolife," because I am all for life. But I am not afraid to look at the other side and examine their arguments. I think that Christians who are prolife need to approach abortion in a more gentle manner... Not apathetically... not sympathetically... but with the least force necessary. If being prolife makes me sound like a hateful, hypocritical person, I would rather do without the title.

I do not really know why I am talking about all this. The guy who showed us apartments said something funny today. He goes to Baylor, and is probably a senior... I could tell he thought we were freshmen, so I let him know we were actually juniors, and he goes, "oh! so you will be seniors next year?" "yes..?" Luckily he was not looking at me, because he would have noticed a face of complete bewilderment at such an obvious question... Funny man.

I love this quote:
Following Jesus is simple, but not easy. Love until it hurts, and then love more.
~Mother Teresa~

mk back to studying... either Greek or Research Methods... I've hit a wall for both.


Tuesday, December 9


I always get addicted to the most time consuming things right before finals.
picnik dot com!!

Saturday, December 6

top 50 most influencial christians! yeah!

So I was going to post about something completely different, and then I got distracted by THIS:
Yeah, it's a list of the 50 most influential Christians in America.
Good ole Joel here is numero uno.
I mean, I am not surprised. I guess he is...
And I guess I missed the whole Victoria Osteen getting sued for being a diva while I was at camp... But that is not why I am posting. haha.
I've been reading up on Joel because I dislike him so much... In case you want to "spend an evening with Joel [and 20,000 of your closest friends]," you can spend 15 dollars to hear him encourage you!!
Also, act now, because his book is on sale from $25 to $15!
There is a variety of 47 message series you could buy... Including:
* Position Yourself for Greatness
* Live a Blessed Life
* Successful Relationships
* Achieving God's Best for Your You
* Six Steps to Enjoying Life
* Be Excited About Life
* Enjoy Every Season of Life
* Reach Your Highest Potential

Most of them all sound the same... He could just get it all out in one sentence: You deserve the best life God has to offer.
His church building cost $95 million dollars to renovate... I'm sorry... what?!? That actually makes me want to throw up. Not to mention all the money they would have to spend on electricity, etc. to keep a basketball stadium cool in the Houston heat and to run those huge mega screens so his followers can see his face.
I mean, I don't know, maybe he is a humble guy, but compare his ABOUT ME section to the letter Matt Chandler wrote to the members of The Village...
Joel Osteen:
According to Nielsen Media Research, Joel is the most watched inspirational figure in America. His weekly sermon is broadcast into every U.S. television market where it is viewed by seven million Americans each week and more than 20 million each month. His weekly broadcast is also seen in almost 100 nations around the world.

In 2004, his first book, Your Best Life Now, was released by Time Warner debuting at the top of the New York Times Bestsellers List and quickly rising to #1. It remained on the New York Times Bestseller for more than 2 years and has sold more than 4 million copies. Most recently, Joel was named as one of Barbara Walters’ “10 Most Fascinating People of 2006” and he was selected as the “Most Influential Christian in 2006” by the readers of Church Report Magazine.

[Paragraphs later]

Joel’s extraordinary success can be found in his core message: That our God is a good God who desires to bless those who are obedient and faithful to Him through Jesus Christ. It is Joel’s deepest desire that his own life be an example of that principle and that everyone who hears this message of hope and encouragement would choose to accept God’s goodness and mercy and to become all that God wants them to be.

Matt Chandler:

Serving a body our size is both a privilege and blessing. Getting to know each one of you personally is something I might never achieve but I'll be working towards it as long as I am here-- which is until the Lord kills me or He makes His triumphant return.

But The Village Church is not a one man show. We have some incredibly gifted pastors and staff who carry much of the ministry workload. Help me serve you by utilizing The Village Church staff.

There seems to be a different approach... Interpret it for yourself. There is so much more I could say about this man, but I will refrain. I just have to wonder what he has to say to all the Christians who have died dirt poor because they had given everything they had to serving Christ...

The list also included Billy Graham, Franklin Graham, Rob Bell, James Dobson, John Piper, President Bush, Max Lucado, Rick Warren, Joni Earekson Tada, Chuck Swindoll, Beth Moore, Phil Vischer, and Ed Young...
A lot of them were from Texas, something I found interesting...
I also think it's funny that I have been to 3 of these people's churches (Rick Warren, Chuck Swindoll, and Ed Young) but I really didn't like any of them... too impersonal.

My favorite part of the list was this statement about Joel:

Always humble, Pastor Osteen gives credit to his wife, his staff and his church family for his success and the many blessings of Lakewood Church. Pastor Osteen has a gift for reaching unchurched people with his message of positive thought and God’s plan for our lives.

mmm yes, please credit everyone but God for your success... Way to be, Joel Osteen, way to be.

Tuesday, December 2

It might not look like a beautiful sunrise

I have never gotten so much comfort out of reading from the earlier dates of my journal until today. These past couple days have not been fun. I just feel unproductive and unmotivated and very overwhelmed. My stress is affecting me physically, and getting out of bed is lame. My eyes stick together and I just want to lay in a ball and hide until December 16.

Anyway, I was reading in my journal... It was an entry from week 10 of camp this summer... Wednesday of Week 10 to be exact. I can't remember writing the entry, but I imagine it was around 6:30 in the morning and I was sitting on the counter in the bathroom with my back against the wall and my knees up in front of my face. That or I was laying on my stomach across the counter. I had 5th graders that week. By that point, I knew it was my last cabin. My girls were studs, but there was one who was very hard to love. This is what I wrote:

I can't love Madeline. She drives me crazy. Completely crazy. Please! Love despite me. Shove me out of the way and love regardless of my agenda. Because I can't. Break those walls and give her JOY! I know You want to teach me something through this. Make Yourself clear!

I'm so tired! I feel so bad.
Give me patience when mine is wearing thin.
Give me joy when I'm not content.
Help me smile when I can't.

I was obviously struggling. It's funny that I don't remember being as miserable as I sound. I know that I had been there for 11 weeks... 75 days to be exact. I know that I had been sick for weeks with no medicine and no rest. But I what I remember is my girls... the joy they brought me... winning the spirit stick 3 times with their crazy cheers, watching them dance around the cabin during FOB, listening to their crazy stories during one-on-ones. Here is what I wrote 2 days later, on Friday:

Lord! You have taught me so much!
I am inadequate. I can't love, be patient, be joyful, wake up without Him.
In my quietness, He speaks loud and clear.
My body is falling apart yet He continues to give me strength.
My voice is gone, but He speaks.
My only reason for being here is to give myself away.

aaah... I love that God used those hard times to challenge me and teach me then... and He is still using those same hard times to encourage me and stretch me now. I can't finish these two weeks. He is going to have to live through me. I am tired and worn out and stressed and my head hurts and I feel so so so worthless. But He is worthy.

I took a study break and just read my Bible earlier, and this is what I found:

The thought of my suffering and homelessness is bitter beyond words. I will never forget this awful time, as I grieve over my loss. Yet I still dare to hope when I remember this:
The unfailing love of the Lord never ends! By His mercies we have been kept from complete destruction. Great is His faithfulness, His mercies begin afresh each day. I say to myself, "The Lord is my inheritance; therefore, I will hope in Him."
The Lord is wonderfully good to those who wait for Him and seek Him. So it is good to wait quietly for salvation from the Lord. And it is good for the young to submit to the yoke of His discipline.
Let them sit alone in silence beneath the Lord's demands. Let them lie face down in the dust; then at last there is hope for them. Let them turn the other cheek to those who strike them. Let them accept the insults of their enemies.
For the Lord does not abandon anyone forever. Though He brings grief, He also shows compassion according to the greatness of His unfailing love...
[Lamentations three]

Can anything ever separate us from Christ's love? Does it mean He no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or are hungry or cold or in danger or threatened with death?
No, despite all these things,
[Romans eight]

I'm so glad He still loves me.

Monday, December 1

when I arrive I bring the fire

I am sitting in Common Grounds as I write this. There is a lady sitting across from me knitting, and two girls in the next room are practicing French. I think. The guy working the cash register looks like Tom Hanks... The actor, not the professor.

I sat outside for the first 10 minutes because there was no seating inside... but the wind is blowing so hard and it's freezing. I came in and found a seat after a few minutes of misery.

I can't believe December is here! I am trying not to get stressed... I feel like my life is saying, "Welcome to December! aka the worst, most miserable 2 weeks of your life!" When I fail out of Baylor, maybe I will just move to London.

Two modern day miracles today:
* In Greek, I was translating a sentence out loud... something about the speaker acquiring the prizes we see with no help from any of the gods in heaven. Anyways, there was one word that I did not understand... So I said, "Not without... something..." Turns out that word meant "something." aha!! He had no idea that I had no idea what the word meant! I was so overjoyed I almost gave myself away... but I refrained from shrieking.

* There is this song that I was trying to explain to Lacey and Rachel last night... I could not remember any line from it or anything... I had heard it on the way back to Waco last night, when I was sitting in stop and go traffic 45 miles north of Waco. I actually heard just about every song ever written through out the course of that trip. And each of them at least twice. Anyway, I heard the song and I couldn't remember anything about it, but I was trying to tell them about it... so I spent seriously 20 minutes trying to find it on Kiss FM's website... no luck. I was rather bummed. So I got in the car earlier today to drive to CG, and THE SONG WAS ON THE RADIO!! I screamed. For those of you who want to know the song, it's "Let It Rock" by Kevin Rudolf featuring Lil Wayne. It's a few months old but it's good. haha.

Speaking of new obsessions on the music front, Live Your Life by T.I. and Rihanna is a fave. I mean, everyone knows I am a paper chaser.

Christmas on 5th Street on Thursday!! aka Steven Curtis Chapman slash Robbie Seay Band!! yeahh!

I went to church last night, and it was so good! It was the start of Advent, so Dave led us in Christmas songs!! hooray! And Josh used clips from Polar Express to discuss faith and belief.

Listen to Matt Chandler's sermon from 11.29.08!! oooh man it's legit! Seriously, listen to it!

Book quiz on Wednesday, Research Methods exam and Lifespan exam on Thursday, 10 page paper due on Friday.

Bend down, O lord, and hear my prayer
Answer me, for I need Your help
Protect me, for I am devoted to You
Save me, for I serve You and trust You
You are my God
Be merciful, O Lord
For I am calling on You constantly
Give me happiness, O Lord
For my life depends on You
O Lord, You are
so good
so ready to forgive
so full of unfailing love
[Psalm 86:1-5]

Saturday, November 29

I hate Wal-Mart.,0,1425783.storygallery

WHY?? whhyy?? What could WAL-MART be selling that is SO important that someone gets killed over it?

Lacey... I'm never going to walmart again... you're on your own, girl.

Be The Change

First of all, I just have to take this moment to declare that we are currently beating Texas Tech. In football. Yes. We probably won't win. I don't care. We are ahead now. I love Robert Griffin.

I've been thinking a lot about the saying, "Be the change you want to see in the world." I love this quote. People who complain about situations but do nothing to change them really bother me. The change I see that needs to take place is not in non-Christian communities. It's in the Christian community. Selfishness consumes the church today. People get upset with non-Christians for living selfishly... They have no reason not to live that way. When you worship yourself, of course you are going to be selfish. But when you claim to worship God, there should be no room for selfishness. How can we expect to make a change in this world when, not only do we not live like we have something better to offer, but we live as if we are better than those around us. One thing I love about Matt Chandler's decisions as a pastor is the fact that he refuses to build some super church... He will not add a coffee shop to the church so that the members can build relationships with the baristas at the local starbucks... He won't add basketball gyms so that the guys will go to the local gyms and play basketball and build relationships with the people there. Yeah, they might say bad things... They might not live a way you would want to emulate. So don't emulate them. Show them Jesus with the way you handle yourself. Christians try to build these little utopian societies where everyone loves Jesus and everything is encouraging and no bad words are used. Selfish. I think this is really easy to do at Baylor... There are so many self-proclaimed Christians that anyone who does not agree is shunned.

Something else that just blows my mind about Christian society is the lack of creativity. Why are the majority of Christian movies so bad? Bad quality, bad acting... Christian music, for the most part, is awful. I don't understand... Christians have been given creativity just like non-Christians... I think? The best Christian music is the stuff that doesn't sound like anything else... David Crowder, Derek Webb... Christian music and movies weird me out in general, actually. Something doesn't have to say, "I love Jesus," "Be a Christian or die" to bring glory to our Creator. Do what you were created to do. Please, for all our sake, don't force what you were not created to do...

How does this affect me? I haven't quite figured that out yet. I want to challenge Christians to abide and obey. I am not sure how I will go about doing so, though. All I know is that if I do not love, I might as well not bother.

We are losing again, 14-13... o well. Sic 'em RG.

Friday, November 28

I LOVE mashed potatoes!

I'm sitting in my bedroom at home, surrounded by orange walls and pictures from high school. I've made an effort not to change out the pictures in my room at home because I want it to hold as many memories as possible. The new pictures are with me at college. My counselor/cabin pictures line my window sill along with the ones from all the father/daughter conferences. My CQ Certificates line the top of one wall. I look at those now, and I laugh. First of all, most of my counselors had it easy. Many of the certificates don't follow the same strict guidelines the Towers counselors now have to follow... Also, very few of the qualities are the same... Sure, I got friendly a couple times, confident a couple times, joyful a couple times... I even got creative and outgoing as a senior. Weird.
I just got up and read them off my wall, and I want to take a moment to share my very first CQ when I was going into 4th grade.

Gentleness is a quality you possess. [HA]
I appreciate the consideration you have for others and
the compassion that can be seen in your heart. Keep learning!

I'm just posting this so my PC friends can look at it and laugh... :) First and second person is definitely not allowed now. I also find it funny that one of the things I have to work SO hard at being is the first quality mentioned. Maybe she just couldn't think of anything else. I understand that completely.

I am going to post, probably tomorrow, about some things that have been on my heart recently, but my dad wants to use my computer to watch the Baylor basketball game, so I figure I should get this to him pretty soon.

I got my hair cut... My grandfather cut it yesterday. It's just below the shoulders. I loove it. I went over to my best friend from high school's house today and she was like "oh, you already cut it," and I said, "yeah, my grandfather cut it yesterday..." She stared at me like I was crazy. So I
added, "He's a barber." "OOHH... I was like, 'mmann you're brave, I would not let my grandparents cut my hair..." hahaha. Besties from college are wanting pictures, but I left my camera cord in Waco, so they will have to wait to see it live. I want to dye my hair, I just don't know if I want to deal with all the root problems, since I finally got my hair back to it's normal color.

My cousin says I should sell plasma to raise money to get to France. My brother suggested selling a kidney. I said I would rather get to France with all my body parts. My cousin told me that I needed to make sacrifices.

I watched Wall*e today for the first time. That movie is LEGIT. I'm a big fan. Disney going green.

I also saw Batman for the first time. I loved it because it was Batman, but it kind of disturbed me. What kind of superhero can't save the girl? Yeah, he's hot and all, but he.can'!

It felt good to watch aTm get destroyed by UT. Now I'm just hoping that Tech will be tired enough from getting blown out by OU last week that we might have a chance. :)

My brother learned we have unlimited texting the other day and now all he does is send me really obnoxious text messages. Yesterday he went through all the smiley faces. One at a time. sandwiches.

Monday, November 24

I'm Still a Rockstar

I thought I should post my most recently played list in order to redeem myself...

1. Jason Mraz
2. Gregory and the Hawk
3. P!nk
4. Jars of Clay
5. Joe Nichols
6. Tofer Brown
7. Daughtry
8. Natasha Bedingfield
9. Gregory and the Hawk
10. David Crowder Band
11. Carrie Underwood
12. A Fine Frenzy
13. Metro Station
14. Cross Canadian Ragweed
15. Chris Tomlin
16. Billy Ray Cyrus & Miley Cyrus
17. Pat Green
18. Miranda Lambert
19. Michael Buble
20. Lady Antebellum
21. Ray LaMontagne
22. Robbie Seay Band
23. Dave Barnes
24. Hannah Montana
25. Kenny Chesney

AND I rekindled my passion for pandora... looove it. Currently, I am listening to my Jason Mraz station... and it's Jack Johnson right now.

Today was Sic 'Em Day... I went and talked to prospective students about Baylor! For some reason they always laugh... at... with me? Haha. My only desire is that they love Baylor when they leave, and if that means I have to act ridiculous, so be it.

I got up early for Sic 'Em day, and then realized that my first class was canceled. I was a little bummed, because if I hadn't signed up for Sic 'Em Day, I could have slept till... 10:30! But no such luck today. I'm looking forward to Wednesday, when I can, for the first time in a long time, sleep until I wake up on my own.

I only got hit in the face once today at work. Record. She got me good, too.

I painted a masterpiece the other day. I like it. Haha I'm just kidding about it being a masterpiece... I didn't want to say picture because that sounds childish... But I didn't paint like a wall or anything. hah.

My roomie and I are currently obsessed with P!nk's song, So What... I decided it will be my new theme song after the "Bad Day" phase ends. So what? Our favorite part is the Jessica Simps part. hah. I noticed that Simps didn't come up as spelt weird, so I looked it up. I was unaware that was a word. haha. I'm glad it wasn't a bad word. Or maybe it is... sorry folks. That P!nk is sneaky.

Sunday, November 23

open up your box of sunshine

I am so ready for Thanksgiving break... snap. I have to write 10 weeks of journaling for my psychotherapy lab... merr... I have 5 weeks done, but the other five might take a little longer.

Yesterday, I cleaned up trash along the highway... We looked like convicts. But we weren't... just your friendly Baylor students steppin out! We found a few diapers. Why, WHY would you have a smelly diaper in the car? Please do not tell me you changed the child's diaper in a vehicle going 80 mph. They warned us of ants, spiders, scorpions, and rattlesnakes before we went out there. They also told us to stay 1-2 feet away from the pavement because drivers don't slow down and you could bend down and then stand up and get your head chopped off by a mirror. Awesome. I seriously thought I was going to die. But we got to wear slash KEEP some wicked vests!

I made a pie for the StuFu thanksgiving dinner tonight. I felt so accomplished. I've made that pie tons of times but never in my own kitchen. Without a mixer. It's a little goopy, but whatev.

I just got done talking to my brother on the phone. I called him at 9:30. He was asleep. Regardless of what time it is, he is ALWAYS asleep when I call him. Anyway, we are going to NYC this summer to play slash sing on the street corners. He says he has to work but I'll convince him.

I want to write a book. I wish I had an eventful life.

I am getting a little boy his Christmas wish... He wished for shoes. At first, I was kind of bummed that I didn't get to go pick out some sweet toy, but then I got depressed by the fact that he could have wished for whatever he wanted and he said shoes. A ten-year-old boy who is so in need that he wishes for shoes. No specific kind. Just shoes. Sometimes I wish for shoes... But it's always a certain kind, and never because I really need them. Yeah, sometimes I "need" them... I always justify it with, "well I have no warm shoes..." or "I need shoes to wear at camp." Okay, selfish. There are kids who live across the highway who don't have shoes that fit them. That money could go to someone who actually needs it... Man I feel so convicted right now.

On a slightly different note, I thought I would share my top 25 played list from iTunes, because I find great humor slash joy in it. haha. I feel like I should add the last date plaid to justify myself... maybe...

1. Mary's Song-- Taylor Swift
2. Stay Beautiful-- Taylor Swift
3. Should've Said No-- Taylor Swift
4. Our Song-- Taylor Swift
5. I'd Lie-- Taylor Swift
6. Bubbly-- Colbie Caillat
7. Everything-- Michael Buble
8. From the Inside Out-- Hillsong
9. Famous In A Small Town-- Miranda Lambert
10. How Can I Keep From Singing-- Chris Tomlin
11. I'm Only Me When I'm With You-- Taylor Swift
12. I Am Nothing-- Shawn McDonald
13. How Great-- David Crowder(not sure how this one got on there above other dcb songs)
14. Everything Is You-- Eli Young Band
15. Picture To Burn-- Taylor Swift
16. Yellow-- Coldplay
17. Home-- Michael Buble
18. Only You-- David Crowder
19. Love Song for a Savior-- Jars of Clay
20. Fearless-- Taylor Swift
21. If We Were A Movie-- Hannah Montana(I'm not sure if I should feel embarrassed by that...)
22. A Song For You-- Michael Buble
23. Love Story-- Taylor Swift
24. You Belong With Me-- Taylor Swift
25. The Way I Am-- Ingrid Michaelson

yeah I started to and that didn't help my cause at all. haha. welp... I like Taylor Swift? Also--Boats and Birds by The Scene Aesthetic is bueno.

lots of love.

we sang this song at church today:

There's darkness in my skin
My cover's wearing thin, I believe
I'd love to start again
Go back to innocence and never leave

Don't give up now::A break in the clouds::We could be found

There's nothing wrong with me
It's just that I believe things could get better
There's nothing wrong with love
I think it's just enough to believe

Don't give up now::A break in the clouds::We could be found

[Rescue is coming]

There's nothing wrong with you
Nothing left to do but believe something bigger
There's nothing wrong with love
I know it's just enough to believe

Don't give up now::A break in the clouds::We will be found

[Rescue is coming]

God has really been placing some things on my heart recently... over and over again, wherever I look... Waco is the fifth poorest city in Texas... 21.9% of families in Waco live below the poverty line. The national average poverty rate for families is 9%.
I don't know if I am supposed to help Waco, or any other place... But I know that I have been called to care for those who cannot care for themselves.

dcb also played "You are My Joy" this morning...

And He set me on fire and I am burning alive...
I cannot hold it in, or remain composed...
Love's taken over me...

What if every Christian lived as though God had set him or her on fire? While Waco is a very poor city, we do have some LOADED people here... A drive down Austin Avenue will make you think you're in Highland Park... I think that most of those people would also consider themselves to be Christians... In fact, including Baylor, there are a LOT of Christians in and around Waco... There are TONS of large churches... What if every Christian realized that it was his or her calling to take care of the poor and helpless? That, while going to Africa and South America for mission trips is important, there are people dying for someone to love them literally across the street. I don't know what that would look like... how a busy college student can get involved... but I think the results would be mind blowing.

We have already won... Rescue is coming.

Thursday, November 20

somebody else gets what you wanted again

We decorated for Christmas!! Hooray!! I slaved away on a popcorn garland... haha with buttered popcorn... it was all we had!

A lot of pet peeves have been coming to mind lately, so I thought I would write them down, because I always forget, because I have so many. So then, when the great ice breaker question, "what's your biggest pet peeve" comes up, I never know what to say.

* When people don't use their car blinkers. I watched a guy today who was unaware his right blinker was on change into the left lane and then merge onto the high way... all with his right blinker blinking away! If he had been using his blinker like he should have been, he would have noticed it was on... I'm not sure how it got on in the first place, since he obviously didn't care about it that much. It seriously takes a very slight movement of the finger. No physical sacrifice required.
* When middle aged men use internet slang, like LOL and hehe and R, U, 2... It already freaks me out that middle aged/old men have facebooks... when they start saying LOL, I get REALLY weirded out. I hate using LOL... and I'm a girl raised in the AIM and Myspace era.
* When 7-year-olds have iPods. Seriously?
* When 9-year-olds have iPhones. This doesn't need an explanation. One of my girls wants a cell phone for christmas and I asked her who she talks to on the phone to so that she needs a cell phone before she reaches double digits. She said she doesn't talk to anyone. Awesome.
* ;). Winking smiley faces creep me out. Especially when guys give them. Ew. I am also not a fan of :P. Or when guys, any age, say "he he". I've been trying to get my brother to realize that it's not cool to "hehe..." I'm not sure if he gets it.

Moving on to music that is rocking my world right now:
Taylor Swift's cd... seriously, get it. Already Gone by Sugarland, Sound So Good by Ashton Shepherd, I Still Miss You by Keith Anderson, All I Ever Wanted by Chuck Wicks, Let Me by Pat Green, and Relentless by Jason Aldean are just a few songs I've been loving recently.

I'm reading Warriors Don't Cry by Melba Pattillo Beals... Probably the best non-fiction book I have ever read. I LOVE it. I wish I could just sit and read it forever. Read it. Seriously. Melba was one of the Little Rock 9. She integrated with 8 of her friends into Central High School when she was 15 years old. The things people did to her are disgusting. I think everyone should be required to read this book. It will completely change how you view integration and Brown vs. BOE. I can't believe those kids had to deal with the stuff they did.


Wednesday, November 19

Though There's Pain in the Offering

What does it look like to live in confident dependence on God? I understand what it means to depend on God... I would not be where I am if I was independent. But sometimes, when He's the only Hope left, I struggle with trusting Him confidently. Really, the only thing that makes me believe He will follow through is the fact that if He wants me where He has me, He HAS to come through. I know He is faithful... I have seen Him work. But when I am left here waiting for Him to come, I sometimes forget that He will.

I want to go to France. SO bad. I just want to get away. Hopefully I will be able to come up with the money for the plane rides. And then talk myself into getting onto the plane. I hate public modes of transportation. All of them. Ew.

A man gave me a free stress bear today. Guess he could tell it's been a rough semester. hah. The bear is cute. Although I have never understood how squeezing a foam ball relieves stress. Maybe it will help.

I hate Greek.

Blue Like Jazz is being made into a movie. Weird.

Baylor basketball is dominating... :) Love it.

I am hopefully joining the International Justice Mission- Baylor chapter next semester. And I'm looking into interning for Compassion International in Colorado Springs.

This picture is a framer:

We were trying to all stand on the fence for the self-timer...
Blair toppled off, brought Sam with her, and Blake followed, I guess...
and then the camera went off. Love it.

Tuesday, November 18

"A fellow is more afraid of the trouble he might have than he ever is of the trouble he's already got. He'll cling to trouble he's used to before he'll risk a change. Yes. A man will talk about how he'd like to escape from living folks. But it's the dead folks that do him the damage. It's the dead ones that lay quiet in one place and don't try to hold him, that he can't escape from."
[William Faulkner]

Sunday, November 16

Less of me, more of Him

I'm learning...

Suburbs are toxic

"You are God's WORKMANSHIP... His poetry, His art... called to Himself to do good works....
I just listened to Matt Chandler's sermon from September 6, and it is SO good... I would really suggest listening to it when you have a chance... it's over Luke 12:22-34. I have some of his quotes, but you should really just listen to it.
He is going to use the church to reveal the manifold wisdom of God by empowering, reaching, and saving the poor and the weak..."
"Keep coming together so that we might encourage one another and stir one another up in love and good deeds. So that when we come together, we are reminded of the gospel and what Christ did for us, in us, through us, to us, and that is to motivate us to leave this place and and do what is good, push back what is dark, and engage the orphan, the widow, the single mom, the kid that is failing out of school and doesn't have a chance."
James 1-- Look after widows and orphans in their distress and to refuse to let the world corrupt us... Right now, polluted means "we can't watch rated R movies, we can't listen to secular music, we don't drink! And we don't cuss, unless we're in our car, by ourselves, and no one else is around! And then we invent cuss words not use historic ones... Jesus said, 'no no no, we don't pursue the things the nations pursue...' you're polluted if you're chasing what the world's chasing and putting Jesus' name on it as if you're different."

This weekend was incredible... lacey's birthday... she discovered that she has been reading a fake Harry Potter book 5 this whole time... she had 20 pages left... aahahaha I was almost crying, I was laughing so hard.
Friends came from aTm!! hooray! I love them.
We slaughtered the aggies in football... it was never even close. hah. 41-7 going into the 4th quarter. I love Robert Griffin.

After we scored our final touchdown.. please take note of the aggie right behind us. hahaha

First things first: BU-41, TAMU-21. amazing.
I love Pea! :)
Blair came to town! and we danced!
So did Abby and Blake!
So did Allison!Jason...
The cake Lacey's mom ordered her!
Lacey turned 21!

Wednesday, November 12

We're getting stronger now, found things they never found.

I am learning to trust more than ever before... To place others' needs before my own... To pray instead of worry... To breathe instead of cry.

Greek has officially taken over my life. And it's destroying me. Sometimes, when I am writing in English, I write Greek letters. You would think that if it's unconsciously penetrated how I write, I would be good at it. False.

Taylor Swift's new cd came out yesterday. Incredible. She is so talented.

I had my final psychotherapy session last night. Ok, it's a group psychotherapy lab... whatever. I am so glad it's over.

My little Monday girls at work are getting so good! I have had them for almost a year, and I am SO proud of them... they are 6, and they are like my best friends! One(one of my old prof's daughters) stuck her cartwheel on the high beam by herself, and another almost has her roundoff backhandspring... there was much screaming and hugging and rejoicing! They bring so much joy to my life!

I went home last weekend, and got to hang out with my high school best friends. I miss them so so much. It was Caleb's 21st birthday, so I wrote him 21 memories over the past 7(omg) years, and it was a struggle to keep it at 21. Caleb, Kaitlyn, and Bryan are those best friends that we could not talk for weeks... months... and still hang out like no time has passed. I love them and all the memories we have together.

I'm ready for all my friends studying abroad to come back already!!

Steven Curtis Chapman and Robbie Seay are playing at KOT's Christmas on 5th Street! I'm so excited! And I am loving the fact that I only have 4 weeks of school left. FINALLY.

I register for classes tomorrow! 2nd semester Greek(if I make it... merr), Forensic Pyschology, Theories of Personality, Bowling, Christian Heritage, and 3 credit hours worth of clinical therapy volunteering... I have a lot of different options. I am looking at working at the Family Abuse Center, where I would babysit, interact with familys, and observe counseling sessions! Or I might work at the Waco Center for Youth and observe and assist with cottage living activities(I don't know what that is... haha), and assist with recreational, tutorial, and psychosocial skills training...

I really don't know yet... I would really like to work at the Child Advocacy Center, since that's the kind of stuff I want to do later, but it requires a full year's commitment, and I don't have a full year to commit. haha.

I am reading William Faulkner's Light in August right now. It's good.

Thursday, November 6

There's something about the way the street looks when it's just rained

more political 7-year-olds... maan they just get more passionate every day.

me: did yall watch the election?
one girl: who won!?!
me: Obama
her: NNOOOOOOOOOOOO.... [literally... yelling... really really loud...] I HAATTEE HIMM... NOOOOOOOOOOOO.
me: why did you not want him to win?
her and her sister: he took my mom's job away.

me to another girl: why don't you like Obama?
her: I don't like what he stands for.
me: really? What does he stand for?
her: I don't know, that's just what my mom said.

me: What else do yall know about Obama?
girl: well, he's the first African American president.
me: yeah, how do you feel about that?
her: it's HORRIBLE.
me: why?
her: because I HATE Obama... I wouldn't want the first to be him...

me: why do you like mccain?
The only answer I really got for this besides "i dont know" or "he's nice" was "he was a prisoner of war, and survived being tortured."

One little 2nd grader liked Obama because he didn't like the war, and neither did she.

I think we forget sometimes that kids are sponges, and while their facts might not always be straight, they read actions much better than words. Their views of the candidates reflected a less guarded version of their parents' beliefs. They didn't know the facts but what they caught onto was the emotion. Kids are smart, and they are watching.

Oh, here's another good one from one of my first graders:
me: we're doing tuck jumps, so bring your knees to your bellybutton, and keep your arms by your ears!
her: yeah! it's like your armpits and ears are married, and your knees and bellybutton are married.

Wednesday, November 5

you can walk away, say we don't need this...

I am trying so hard to take this week one step at a time. I have a test in my hardest class tomorrow and the biggest project of my semester due on Friday. Then I get to start all over next week. It's like a snowball effect. It doesn't end till finals.

Today at work, I asked 2 of my classes if they had watched the election...
The first class was mainly 9 year olds... They didn't have much to say, besides the fact that they didn't like Obama... so I asked them why, and they said they didn't know... so we discussed how we shouldn't just not like someone for no reason... One girl said she liked Obama because he was the first African American president. I wonder if she really is stoked about this history making election, or if she just heard that on tv.
My second class had mainly 7-year-olds... They were much more opinionated... A bunch of "OOHH MAN, I'M SO MAD, OBAMA WON." So I asked them, too... Why they hated Obama and why they liked McCain. Here is what they had to say:

me: Why did you not want Obama to win?
2nd grader: Because he wants to change the pledge of allegiance... and the flag...

me: why do you like mccain?
another girl: ...[pause]... because... he... was in the Olympics... yeah he won swimming, I think.

The first real answer... remember, these are 7 year olds...
me: Why don't you like Obama?
her: Because he lets people kill their babies.

I didn't ask my 3-year-olds what they thought... But they were still cute:
Girl named Hayley: Hey Haley...
me: Hey Hayley...
her: What's your name?
me: Haley...
her: [really amused giggle...]
she loved the fact we had the same name... she just kept saying "hey haley, hey haley" over and over again.

Monday, November 3

crayons can melt on us for all I care

I have a lot of things I could say right now... the first being: I am majorly procrastinating right now. I have no motivation to write my paper or study for my test.

Another thing is something I am just going to go right out and say: I didn't vote. I know, you can call me un-American, un-Christian, un-whatever. I could go into greater detail into why I didn't vote... and then you could argue with me over why I am dumb and should have... but I feel like that is wasting both of our time. I would never vote for Obama, because I don't agree with pretty much anything he is about. And I didn't really know what to think about McCain. This was the first time I have ever been completely apathetic about an election. So apathetic to the point that if either were to try to sway me, I would just say, "that's great, I really don't care either way." I mean, I am a pretty opinionated person, but I don't hate or love either candidate. And I don't plan on complaining if stuff goes bad because whoever I wouldn't have voted for wins... I know I don't have that right, now. If my freedom starts being taken away, I will first trust the 3-way safeguard our forefathers set up when founding the country, and then I will just move if that doesn't work. Maybe I'm stubborn, and I just didn't want to vote because people kept telling me to... I don't know. I just feel like the problems I have with America are not going to be/should not be solved by the president or government. The economy is bad because people are greedy and selfish. There are people starving because Christians are greedy and selfish. Unborn babies die every day because people are selfish... the women are selfish and the Christians who refuse to reach out as Christ's hands and feet to those struggling girls and women are selfish.
I realize that there are a lot of huge reasons why I should have still voted. I just didn't like either enough to be responsible for placing one of them in office. If I'm going to vote, I want to actually like the guy and what he stands for. Don't worry, I still love Jesus... and I haven't turned into full fledged anti-American hippie... yet. haha just kidding.

This past weekend was crazy. After a really really rough week and little sleep, I woke up at 5 on Saturday morning to get ready for the homecoming parade. That lasted until 10, then I went to the football game and worked in the biggest donors section, giving them all their hearts could desire. I have never seen so much candy and popcorn consumed by a single person. sick. The game was incredible. I am so sad I wasn't in the student section for the whole game. I was so exhausted, though. Literally, words were not able to formulate. I looked and felt like death. I slept for 13 hours that night... When I woke up, my eyes were still swollen and I still felt like death. haha. O well!

In my Bible Study, last night, we talked about humility. It was a great discussion. We basically came up with the idea that instead of trying to focus on the abstract idea of becoming more humble, focus on the more concrete idea of being less selfish... Placing others before your self... etc. etc. etc.

That's all for now. Enjoy the pics.

The grass around the bonfire caught on fire. it was a little chaotic for a few minutes. And very hot. I was secretly hoping Mars McLean or Morrison would catch fire... Not a fan of either of those buildings. Josiah and Daniel had a contest to see who could stare at the fire the longest. They were both sissies.
This pic was taken around 8:00 AM... I had already been up for 3 hours.
Besties at the bonfire
After a bike ride at 5:45 in the morning on the access road of I35, and sitting and watching the sun rise on Austin Ave, it was time to start riding...
Towers, past and present at the bonfire
That's right, I got to partake in the largest collegiate parade in America. I only almost ran over small children a couple times. Their desire for candy overruled all sense of danger. Probably the saddest thing I saw all day was the homeless adults scurrying around, fighting preschoolers for candy downtown. I am still not exactly sure how to react to that.
We just happened to be walking by and my roommate was taking this picture, so, of course I had to join... and then kept on walking... haha.
I can't believe Alyssa captured this face in a picture. This was probably right before I almost crashed into someone in front of me. That happened a lot. Click on the picture to truly appreciate my face.

Friday, October 31

October's been great! Time for November!

I've been praying a lot about prayer lately. I don't remember many sermons at my church from when I was in elementary school. Maybe two. I wasn't ever paying attention. So what I do remember, really stuck with me... Once, my pastor was talking about prayer, and how we should pray for God's will, not our own... Now, it may have been my concrete operational thinking as a 9 or 10 year old, but what I heard was if you pray for God's will to be done, not our own, He will let what you want happen... almost like we change His mind because we are so selfless in our prayers. I'm not sure if this is what he said, or meant... but that's kind of always been in the back of my mind lately. In fact, I feel like that is how a lot of us approach prayer. I'm going to prove to God how great I am by praying for His will, instead of my own, and when He sees how selfless I am, He will give me what I want out of the graciousness of His heart. Of course, we aren't thinking like that... normally these prayers come out in desperation... a loved one sick and dying, really wanting to make a team or get a specific job... But I have to remind myself that when I pray for God to do what He wants, I am telling Him to do whatever He wants, regardless of me. Without trust, that's scary! I have been learning to get it out of my head that when I pray for Him to put me where He wants me, or do with me what He wants, I am completely abandoning my will. It's not about being selfless, it's realizing I am nothing.


Favorite picture from the weekend
waiting on the kids... I have NO idea what we were doing
besties on megaphones
2343 crusty eye lashes...
Check out daniel's sweet moves... she dressed like me, I dressed like her! and we left mass facebook video messages