trust.

"He made their hearts, so He understands everything they do..." - Psalm 33:15

I don't have a problem forgetting that God created me. But I think that I fail to fully comprehend what that means.  When I read Psalm 33:15 this morning, I was reminded of something I often forget.

God made my heart.  He understands me better than anyone, because He made me that way.  There are times when I do something or struggle with something and I don't understand why.  An example of this is fear.  Sometimes there are fears I just can't get over.  It doesn't matter how irrational I know they are, I am still afraid. 

When I was younger, I was a competitive gymnast.  During my last season, I missed my hands doing a back walkover on the beam during my routine.  I was able to pull my legs around fast enough to land on the ground instead of the beam, so I was not physically hurt. But emotionally, everything had changed.  I still did the skill by myself for competitions, but during practice, I had a total mental block.  I was absolutely terrified, and I could not help it.  I could barely do it with my coach spotting, even though she had been there for me since I was seven years old, and had saved me from many falls.  I had no reason not to trust her, I just couldn't get over my fear.

This was so frustrating for everyone involved.  I didn't understand why I couldn't just get over it like I had gotten over so many other fears during my gymnastics career.  It wasn't my first time to fall, and it definitely wasn't my worst fall.  I had been hurt many times before doing other skills... fallen on my face or neck... slammed into the beam or vault... whacked my legs against the high bar while dismounting... but I had been able to talk myself out of the fear and keep working.

This is just one example.  Of course, there are many other, more serious instances where I don't understand why I feel and think the way I do.

But even when I do not understand myself, my Creator does.  How comforting is that? I don't know why I can't just trust Him... But He does.  And because He understands, I know He knows how to help me.  Sometimes I don't know what to do about the problem because I don't know why I feel that way.  But He can fix the problem, because He understands my heart.

Humans have this need to feel understood... Think about how many times have you heard someone say about their significant other, "He just gets me..." While it is important for me to feel understood by Nick, I need to remember that the Creator of the universe already understands me better than anyone else ever will.