until it hurts

I'm taking a quick study break during my last dead day of the Fall 08 semester... I just got finished studying for my History of the South final, which is tomorrow at 9. Monday cannot get here quick enough... History of the South tomorrow, Greek and Research Methods on Friday, and Group Processes on Monday. My Lifespan class didn't have a final... we had to turn in a chart we had been working on all year instead...
I figured that I should post during this final season, since last final season is when I started my blog! In this same church, actually... Studying for finals. I was about as unmotivated then, too.

I love history... LOVE it. But only certain parts of history... I first noticed in 8th grade when we learned about the Great Depression and then JFK's assassination that I liked the depressing parts the most. My all time favorite times to study are the Holocaust and the French Revolution... I also love studying the Great Depression, the attack on Pearl Harbor, and more recently, the Civil Rights movement. I love looking at how people reacted and changed and manipulated the situations they faced... I am stunned that mostly uneducated, poor French citizens were able to overtake the government and murder so many people. Look at what can take place when passion is met by large numbers! It's astounding! The Holocaust blows my mind, and like the Civil Rights movement, I love looking at how one race of people found it appropriate and even necessary to treat another race like animals. I love looking at how those mistreated people react... how they strive to maintain their dignity... how the trauma affects them psychologically. The Great Depression is just so sad... and FDR's New Deal is just so ridiculous... :) And then Pearl Harbor... the fact that the government had been warned... fascinating.

Anyway, I love history! Here are a couple paragraphs out of the sections I was reading about Civil Rights to study for my test:
* This part is talking about the march that Martin Luther King led full of black children because the adults could not afford losing their jobs. "The first day, May 2, the police were restrained. But the following day Bull Connor[The Birmingham Police Commisionor] reverted to form. His policemen tore into the defenseless black children, hitting them with clubs and siccing their vicious German shepherd dogs against the school kids... Connor ordered firemen to turn their fire hoses, with water pressure at 100 lbs per square inch, against the blacks. The powerful stream of water knocked people down, tore the bark off of trees, rolled screaming, terrified children across the ground and over curbs. Three days later it happened again..."
* This part took place a few months earlier, and involved students, both black and white, who were called the "freedom riders." Their plan was to ride on a greyhound bus from Virginia to New Orleans... Until they got to Alabama, their trip was pretty uneventful... After being stopped once by whites who caught the bus on fire and beat the driver, they tried again, with the "protection" of President Kennedy. "The twenty-one freedom riders noted the police protection as they drove along, but when they neared Montgomery, the protection disappeared. When the riders disembarked at the terminal, a mob crazed with anger attacked the students with frenzied violence. Hundreds of screaming people swarmed the bus, and even the presidential aide sent to observe was knocked senseless by a pipe-wielding assailant."

The most astounding part of this entire thing is the fact that a few years earlier, America had begun fighting in a cold war to protect the free world from communist slavery... even earlier than that, we had been involved in saving the Jews from the race war brought on by Adolf Hitler.

Anyway, enough with fascinating history! I was talking to my friend, Kimberly the other day, discussing life and such... and I told her that I feel a lot more "settled" in my life... I guess... I feel more mature, which is weird, and I feel more comfortable with who I am. I am beginning to understand that although my opinion might be based off of a right or wrong moral system, life does not always work that way, and issues are generally much more complex than just black and white. I can see that now, which is exciting, because I have always believed that in order to defend one side, you must be able to defend the other... Those who argue on a "this is wrong because it's wrong so it should be stopped" are still thinking on a conventional level... I want to be able to discuss issues on a postconventional level, taking into account every side and every reason.

I am beginning to understand how my dislike of titles plays into my role in society... I mean, some titles I don't mind. I don't mind Christian... although many, myself including, live in such a way that is embarrassing for Christ's name... I will never be ashamed of Christ and being His... I just pray that I will live in a way worthy of the calling. I don't mind the title "prolife," because I am all for life. But I am not afraid to look at the other side and examine their arguments. I think that Christians who are prolife need to approach abortion in a more gentle manner... Not apathetically... not sympathetically... but with the least force necessary. If being prolife makes me sound like a hateful, hypocritical person, I would rather do without the title.

I do not really know why I am talking about all this. The guy who showed us apartments said something funny today. He goes to Baylor, and is probably a senior... I could tell he thought we were freshmen, so I let him know we were actually juniors, and he goes, "oh! so you will be seniors next year?" "yes..?" Luckily he was not looking at me, because he would have noticed a face of complete bewilderment at such an obvious question... Funny man.

I love this quote:
Following Jesus is simple, but not easy. Love until it hurts, and then love more.
~Mother Teresa~

mk back to studying... either Greek or Research Methods... I've hit a wall for both.

peace.