it is well

Bobby died. That's my computer. He won't turn on... It's a bummer, for sure. Bobby and I have gone through a lot together. Poor little guy. He has had a brain transplant, a face lift, and other memory joggers... He was still truckin... until today.

So I am writing from my family computer at home. I got back today... I had been planning on coming home yesterday, but the roads were too dangerous. So Lacey, Rachel, and I made music videos. If you want a good laugh, check out the three videos on our facebooks... So What, I Can Hear the Bells, and Rockstar... the latter two are my favorite, for sure. Each provides a unique form of entertainment. In Rockstar, watch Rachel the whole time. It's hilarious.

I went to my old church tonight and sat in on the youth group study... I learned something... or realized, I guess... high school students are shallow. hah. I mean, who could blame them, I guess. Their lives thus far have been solely about themselves. I doubt that very many of those kids have truly been challenged to think outside of themselves. And even if they did, high school is a weird stage... you can see that life is not about you, but until you are forced into a senerio where it really isn't, you don't understand what that really means. I wrote a research paper on the Little Rock 9, and I read an interview with some of the white girls who were seniors at Central High School that year... they were mad because those kids were ruining their senior year. That's all they cared about... they did not want them there because it was their senior year and it was supposed to be perfect. I think that's how most of us grow up... senior year... it's supposed to be perfect. Our parents try to make our experiences the best and most memorable. But then there is a major wake up call when you move in with someone else, have to find food for yourself, do your own laundry, take care of yourself when you're sick, take care of school and teacher and administration and registration and graduation issues on your own... All of a sudden, the people around you have different agendas. They are no longer there to make your life easier. I hope that I will raise my children knowing that there is so much more in this world than their perfect little suburb homes with perfect friends and perfect cell phones and perfect hair. They will know that there are hurting people around the world... even in those perfect suburbs... They will be shown that Jesus told us to love those people, and regardless of our family's status, we are blessed.
That's what the group was talking about tonight. The teacher asked for ways they had noticed they were blessed over the past few days. A few of them said a few odd answers... All along the lines of, "Well, I prayed that my exams would be easy, and they were..." I wanted to be like, "What about the fact that you are breathing right now? Or the fact that you ate dinner tonight? Or the fact that you are wearing shoes? God has blessed you with so many more things than you could have ever asked for, with things you definitely never deserved. He did not bless you because you prayed to Him... You are blessed purely by the fact that He loves you."

I am definitely grateful for the fact that God has stretched me and challenged me so much this past semester... I have learned so much. Life is not black and white, and God's love for me is so much more complex than, "for the Bible tells me so." So complex, yet so simple. So undeserved. So unconditional. Not because of what I have done, or anything I could do. But merely because He is.

This passage has been on my heart today:

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!
Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near.
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything,
by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving,
present your requests to God.
And the peace of God, which
transcends all understanding,
will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-- if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-- think about such things...

I rejoice greatly in the Lord that at last you have renewed your concern for me.
Indeed, you have been concerned, but you had no opportunity to show it.
I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever
the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty.
I have learned the secret of being conent in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through Him who gives me strength.
[Philippians 4]

My favorite hymn:

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way
When sorrows like sea billows roll
Whatever my lot, thou has taught me to say
It is well, it is well with my soul

Though Satan should buffet, tho trials should come
Let this blest assurance control
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.

My sin-- oh the bliss of this glorious thought
My sin, not in part, but the whole
Is nailed to the cross and I bear it no more
Praise the Lord Praise the Lord O my soul!

And, Lord, haste the day when the faith shall besight
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll
The trump shall resound and the Lord shall descend
Even so, it is well with my soul.