Friday, January 9

you're the only thing i know like the back of my hand

A few things:
a. I just got back from Henderson slash Tyler... Allison showed me her quaint town... It was quite adorable. I've always thought small towns were cute, although I can't comprehend living in one. We watched our video... maybe more than once. hah. Yeah, those 135 views... half of them are probably from the people IN the video... Today, we drove to Tyler and Allison hit Walker in the face with a football. When he got over it, he showed us his dance moves... HAHA. Kevin told him they were good football moves... Then we went to the Towers conference director's new house and helped them clean and organize... I got to organize a whole closet... all by myself. It was such a happy hour. I do love organizing. Especially when no one helps. :)

b. I have realized that I really am a creeper. It's sad actually. When you graduate from facebook stalking and move on to google stalking, you know something's wrong. But I credit that to Allison... It was not my idea.

c. Change your facebook language to pirate. It changed my life. Sometimes, when I tell people to enter the realms of the facebook scallywag, they ask why... I honestly have no good answer to that... I mean... hmmm... "live a little" is the only reply I can think to say... that or, "why not?"

d. I feel like I can finally write about not going back to camp next summer. Part of me is still in denial... I drove past the sign today and that sign has been such a normal part of my life for the past decade that I didn't even think about not seeing it again... until a few more miles down the road. At Matt and Katie's house, we were talking about guys and girls who back out of counseling or br/yg commitments because they just "didn't have a peace about it." Now, I had heard Kevin and Matt and Chris discuss the problem with this many many many times. But I had never said no to camp before now, so I struggled to apply the idea to my situation. But, today, as we talked about it, I saw it in such a different light, and really felt confirmed in not going back to camp. Although I don't really remember, my journal entries from as early as Week 10 make it clear that I didn't think I was going to be back. I remember struggling with this idea for a little while, but the crazy schedule of camp distracted me for the most part. When I finally told my boss no, I was distraught. If God's peace is crying yourself to sleep every night for a week, and then sobbing in the car at least twice a week for every week until now, then I have got it! I have come to the realization that going back, at this point, would be for selfish motives... That sounds weird, since life at camp demands selflessness. But I learned this summer what it means to obey... and as ironic as it sounds, going back to the place where I learned obedience would have been completely disobedient. [Mind you, I'm leaving out many, many details. I didn't just come up with this notion over night.]
I've been struggling with the idea of surrender and sacrifice lately. I thought I would include the definitions of these words, just because i like dictionaries. I picked out the definitions I needed.
* give up (something important or valued) for the sake of other considerations.

* cease resistance to an enemy or opponent and submit to their authority.
* give up or hand over something

Now... The first definition of surrender is one I like, not because God is my enemy, but because often times, I treat Him like He is... I love this word picture of submitting myself to His authority after a long fight. The definition of Sacrifice is interesting, too... because I think that sometimes I forget that by giving up whatever it is that I am holding onto, I am doing so for the sake of something else... Ultimately, God's glory. Sometimes, when I finally let go, I feel stuck, like there is nothing left, when actually, my surrender allows me to act in the freedom of Christ.
What does this have to do with camp? Well... I finally got to a point where I knew what God was telling me, I just needed to surrender my prideful, selfish desires and let Him hold me. Yes, I still cry, especially when I think of my precious girls and my wonderful friends. Don't get me wrong, there is also a sense of relief... hah. Too many weeks spent sick and physically miserable soak my memories. I don't know why God has told me to surrender camp. I don't know if this means forever, or just for now. But I do know that as long as I am obeying, He will not lead me astray.
You may know this, but I hate the cliche... anything... most of the time, at least. It just really bothers me. So when I read Genesis 22, about Abraham and his son, Isaac, I wasn't completely ready to let it encourage me. I even struggled back and forth with the idea of writing it here. (A hint that my problem with cliches might be a problem... ha) But I love that Abraham names the place Jehovah Jireh, for whether it means Pine Cove or something else, my Father will provide.
* The Lord says, "I will guide you along the best pathway for your life. I will advise you and watch over you." -- Psalm 32:8
* Then the Lord will provide shade over Mt. Zion and all who assemble there. He will provide a canopy of cloud during hte day and smoke and flaming fire at night, covering the glorious land. It will be a shelter from daytime heat and a hiding place from storms and rain. -Is. 4
* Remember the things I have done in the past. For I alone am God! I am God, and there is none like me. Only I can tell you the future before it even happens. Everything I plan will come to pass, for I do whatever I wish. -- Is. 46:10 [Thanks, Al]

Um yes. So what are you doing next summer, Haley? Good question!! Hopefully, going to France. Or London. I mean, whatev. Basically, I decided to stop worrying about it because Christ's grace has given me everything I need for today, which makes it pretty lame of me to worry about tomorrow.

School starts soon. My schedule... I can't even comprehend how it is going to look. 110 hours of volunteering plus work plus class. Plus friends. and Jesus. I mean, duh. Without Him this wouldn't be going down. I suppose food is necessary too. Showers are overrated.

peace. love. road trips.

1 comment:

Allison said...

Isaiah 46:10...mmm mm sweet!

praying for you haley...cannot thank you enough for loving me and being obedient to Christ to come and see me even when you had know idea what he was calling you to do. i love you.

p.s. don't share our secret google stalking! it's what happens when you do without facebook! AHH