Monday, August 18

Be Here Be Now

Very Merry Holly Jolly Rockin Christmas Eve

Saturday, Miscow put all the former Baby Ruths in the kitchen to deep clean
5 hours later, after scrubbing off food, cleaning out drains of goop and mold, and disinfecting all that can be touched ... DONE!
Delirious. Too much bleach and disinfectant to the head.
No, seriously. We lost it.
Moments before a really sad goodbye
Last Camper Share... we killed scorpions together
Love them.
yay for night off dinners every weekend!

There are so many things I could say right now. The past three months have blown my mind. I'm an emotional wreck. I cried half way home yesterday... Poor Skipee... It's not that I miss camp. I'm tired, and I was ready to leave. I'll be back in three weeks anyway. What I miss is the people. Never again will camp be the way it was this summer. Some will leave, new people will come. Every summer is incredible, but no summer is the same. For 12 weeks, you build authentic, deep relationships with men and women you may never speak to again. You are vulnerable and intimate. They see you at your best and at your worst. You struggle, cry, laugh, and fight together. Through the battle, you become unified, working together as the Body of Christ. And when everyone leaves, it's like you're being torn apart. I feel like week 11, God was preparing my heart for Sunday. I was dreading saying goodbye. After you see someone every single day, hours and hours every day, for 3 months, it's hard to imagine life without them again.
But God was saying, "Haley... trust me. Just trust me." I really have trust issues when it comes to God. I can trust people very easily. But for some reason, when it comes to my life, I feel like maybe God needs help decided what to do. Sunday morning I was sitting outside the Rock one last time reading and journaling. I was so sad, really struggling at the thought of the byes I knew were coming. But God was like, "I have placed these people in your life at this time for a reason. And I take them away for my reasons too." I know that I am called to be at Baylor this semester. I pray that I will be able to "be here, be now." I'm learning to pour into the people around me at Baylor just like I would at Pine Cove. The call to give myself away doesn't end just because camp ends. I want to completely die to myself this semester. I want to live out Romans 12. It's so hard when you aren't at camp, because you don't have everyone else reminding you that life is not about you. While I miss everyone dreadfully, I can rest in the fact that God has placed both me and them where He wants us, and His plans are so much more amazing than mine.

Honestly, I've kind of just been in a fog for the past 24 hours. Yesterday, I went to Target and wandered around aimlessly. I could have done that for hours. hah. I know I already posted this song, but when it came on this morning, I was like, "that's it! that is how I feel!" So I am going to post the good parts again.

Oh and today is my birthday. It's been a weird day. hah. Hopefully it will stop raining so I can go to the Rangers game tonight.

Time for a milestone
Time to begin again
Reevaluate who I really am
Am I doing everything to follow Your will
Or just climbing aimlessly over these hills
So show me what it is You want from me
I give everything I surrender...

Time to face up
Clean this old house
Time to breathe in and let everything out
That I've wanted to say for so many years
Time to release all my held back tears

Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but I believe
You're up to something bigger than me
Larger than life something Heavenly

Sanctus Real

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